Sex, Sexuality & Fertility

 The following is the update I sent out to the Kissability mailing list on May 18, 2008. (Yes! There's an official mailing list! Contact me if you'd like to be on it; I'll also continue posting the mailings here.)

 

I hope everyone is enjoying the springtime. A few announcements:

1. The introduction of a monthly update mailed out to the Facebook group prompted a few people to drop out. But we've gained back that ground and then some, and we're teetering on the verge of 500 members! There's also, as I'd hoped, been more talk on the Wall and the Discussion Boards.

2.  I discovered that at least one person's response to the the questionnaire got caught in and almost deleted by my spam filter for some reason; I'm not sure if this has happened in other cases. If you have sent me something and I haven't responded to it, I simply might not have received it, so please send it again.

3. So far, no one who is Deaf or hearing-impaired has responded to the questionnaire. I think the project would be incomplete without hearing impairment represented, so I'm especially looking for Deaf participants. Spread the word!

"I don't know many teenage boys who possess the maturity and courage to ask out a smart, geeky girl, let alone a smart, geeky girl who's also crippled."

"I am nervous about having mothering instincts when I have children and not be able to act on them. Even with adaptations, I won't be able to pick my crying baby up to soothe, someone else will have to put the baby in a harness so that I can. I won't be able to burp him/her after I breastfeed, change diapers, etc…I can't even do those things for myself! Let alone a vulnerable baby."

"The thing I miss the most and the one thing I'd love to be able to do is give hugs. It pains me when friends and family hug me and I can't hug them back."

"In 5^th grade, they taught sex like it was a beautiful act but that it could kill you. ... It scared us all shitless!"

"I love my mind. If I've learned anything from being disabled, it's how powerful the mind is and what a shame it is if you don't try to tap into it. More than anything…I think. It was the one thing I could still do following my injury while lying in the hospital, feeling trapped. I can think and get my privacy back-- after all, it's one of two parts of my body that still remain unexposed from view unless I choose to (the other is my heart). They are the two body parts I still control. Everything else anyone can see if they take off my clothes, for I can't stop them or fight them off. Spinal cord injury (and many other disabilities) leaves its prey vulnerable and naked all the time."

"Disability allows me to experiment more and be different, which is clinically proven to improve sex lives of all people. ... Having sex with someone who has a physical disability is awesome because the way sex usually works for most people, doesn't for us, and so you must experiment all the time."

Katherine Duke
Project Creator
katherinedukewriting@gmail.com

 

 The following is the update I sent out to the Kissability mailing list on June 30, 2008. (Yes! There's an official mailing list! Contact me if you'd like to be on it; I'll also continue posting the mailings here.)

The following is the update I sent out to the Kissability mailing list on September 1, 2008. (Yes! There's an official mailing list! Contact me if you'd like to be on it; I'll also continue posting the mailings here.)

Katherine Duke
Project Creator
katherinedukewriting@gmail.com

 

2. I'm still especially looking for Deaf and hearing-impaired participants to answer the questionnaire. Volunteers?  Anybody?

I'll do the questionnaire if you'd like.  I figure what could it hurt. 

I've heard a lot of people using Facebook and asking me to join up.  I guess I'll finally have to take a look.

Private message me here on Disaboom if you'd like and give me the details on where to answer the questionnaire.

 

The following is the update I sent out to the Kissability mailing list on October 10, 2008. (Yes! There's an official mailing list! Contact me if you'd like to be on it; I'll also continue posting the mailings here.)  

 

The first, general-idea-collecting phase of the project is drawing to a close. Time for an update!

 

The following is the update I sent out to the Kissability mailing list on November 30, 2008. (Yes! There's an official mailing list! Contact me if you'd like to be on it; I'll also continue posting the mailings here.) 

 

Hello again!  (Almost) all of the responses to the general questionnaire have come in. Here is the roster of respondents:


Alexander
Amber
Angelina
Annabel
Bubbles
Chris
Christine
Clara
Constance
Dangerous Dave
Dannielle
dc64
Djami
Eric
Erin Marie *
Fletch
Gloria
Hel

Jodie
Lovegoddesstx
Marie
Nick
Nico
Nightengale
Oskar
* (I'm still waiting for responses from Erin Marie. Send them along as soon as you get a chance!)

I'm so pleased and thankful for all the humor, pain, wishes, and memories that these 40 individuals have shared. I now have stories from the United States, Canada, England, Australia, and Italy, representing a 41-year age range and a variety of jobs, relationships, family situations, and histories. The people on this list are women and men; divorced dads, married moms, swingin' singles, and loners; gay, straight, bisexual, queer, asexual, and "pansexual." Their disabilities include cerebral palsy, spina bifida, dyspraxia, visual impairments, traumatic brain injury, transverse myelitis, nonverbal learning disabilities, and many more. I am fascinated by the personal differences revealed in the responses--and the similarities. The ideas and opinions sometimes contradict one another, but just as often, they echo and reinforce one another.



Here are some excerpts from three more responses, the last two of which are from two different amputees:

"Because I don't look disabled, [people] think I should be able to do more."

"[The best part of sex is] when a guy holds my stump, not fetishistically, but as a sign of acceptance. It's very intimate."

"'Stump' is a part of a tree."



In December, I will finish reading through and organizing the responses. Then, I plan to spend the coming year doing more research, conducting more specific interviews, and arranging all this material into a book! 

Katherine Duke
Project Creator
katherinedukewriting@gmail.com