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Posted on: Thu, Aug 7 2008 4:52 AM
Posted by: graver Posts: 10
This was recently posed to me and I'd like to know your thoughts, opinions, and suggestions about it.
A friend was recently contacted by a potential admirer and they've been communicating on/off line for 2 months and are suppose to meet in the near future. They seem to be getting along quite nicely and according to her he seems to be a nice guy. Her concern is he still has many of his dating profiles active and she's not sure what his real motives are towards her. She's confided in him on many personal and private experiences and encounters in her life, and she's equally concerned about having been too open too soon. She thinks he's unaware of her knowledge of these active profiles. Should she be concerned? How should she handle this? He seems eager to meet her.
She needs some interspective and advice here, so please take the poll and voice your opinions honestly and broadly. Thanks.
[Poll]
Posted on: Thu, Aug 7 2008 9:14 AM
Posted by: billybob Posts: 49
Posted on: Thu, Aug 7 2008 10:16 AM
Posted by: snowyh Posts: 35
graver: She needs some interspective and advice here, so please take the poll and voice your opinions honestly and broadly.
She needs some interspective and advice here, so please take the poll and voice your opinions honestly and broadly.
Am I reading this right... she & this fellow only started chatting a couple of months ago, they haven't even met in person yet, and she already expects monogamy? I'm not privy to the things he's been saying to her, but unless he's told her that he only has eyes for her, she needs to chill out. I'm not sure how she knows he's active on other sites, but it sounds to me like she's, um, stalking him. Unless they have some level of committment to each other, this is entirely inappropriate behavior on her part.
Now, as far as whether the guy may be misleading her as to his intentions: I don't think so, as they've never even been on a date! He's still "on the market," and therefore one should expect him to be active on various dating sites. Should they ever decide to date each other exclusively, that's when she should expect him to take down his profiles, not before.
Helen
Posted on: Thu, Aug 7 2008 3:32 PM
Posted by: Whitney Posts: 691
You bring up some good points, Helen. I had not considered some of them. My advice would be that 2 months is not a bad time period to meet in person. I agree with Helen that different profiles elsewhere may not mean anything, but I don't agree with the stalking part. I might do the same thing if I were a little nervous that everything wasn't on the up-and-up. And so she should be careful about whom she trusts online. My husband and I met online, and even though I was pretty sure I could trust him, I still had my brother come with me to the airport to pick him up. The thought was that if he was not who he said he was, we could get out of there fast or drop him off a local police station.
My advice is if she is serious about meeting him, then make him come to her, even if they live in the same city or state. Making him come to her is Test #1 of ernest intent. And as others have suggested, bring a friend along. He should not balk at this (Test #2) as he should be just as aware of the dangers of online dating as anyone. He could bring a friend too. The friend could be there for emtional support in case he's really not that interested and never shows up. And meeting a public place is always a good idea. It leaves an escape route.
Whitney
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