Sex, Sexuality & Fertility

Posted on: Wed, Aug 27 2008 8:11 PM

Posted by: Joe Posts: 12

i am a perminant wheelchair user due to living with Cerebral Palsy and lacking any balance..  i have bad days due to muscles and on bad days i have trouble with everything, to the point ofmy speech barely being understood, but most of the time i think if i didn't have the wheelchair people probably wouldn't notice i had a disability, i hope i am making sense so far.

What i wanted to bring up is, if i look like the average Joe then why do so many people have such patronising attitudes toward me?

i went to Pride in Manchester this weekend and i didn't really make any new friends or anything, but i did notice some very cute guys, i even got to stroke the tummy of a bear in leather which made me smile insanely lol.

However at one or two times during the weekend, i might have slapped someone if my carer wasn't pushing me around and didn't stop, there was one particular guy who really aggrivated me, i noticed him and he wwas incredibly cute, kinda short with a beard, slightly balding on top.

i turned to this chap and said you're quite cute really aren't you, his response was just an awwwww, which really aggrivated me and that is putting it mildly, i mean you can tell when there's meaning awww that's sweet and a patronising awwwwww, you know?

Why do so many respond this way to idea of disabled people having sexual or romantic interests and acting on there attraction to people?

i ended up taking a 16 year old boy with me to pride too because my sister got in touch while i was away in manchester and said that this boy had come out just days before hand, so i rang him and told him he was comming to pride!!.. 

Going back to people's attitudes,i bet even though he's 16 and i'm 28 a lot of people who presume we were a couple purely because he uses a wheelchair too.

Am i ever going to meet a guy if i seriously being made to feel that i should only date gay/bi disabled guys and i don't really know any.

i know this is going to sound bad but i've kinda avoided disabled guys before because of this, my family had the impression when i was younger that would marry a disabled person and it would be purely for companionship.

Is it really horrible that i even find myself worrying about getting a disabled guy intimately because my mobility creates many problems in intimate situations, i worry that if we both had mobility issues physical intimacy other than hugging and stuff may not be possible?

Posted on: Wed, Aug 27 2008 8:35 PM

Posted by: rainey826 Posts: 3,961

HUGGS JOE !  LONG TIME NO SEE .......... LIKE CAN BE CRAZY AT TIMES AS WE ALL KNOW ............. RAINEY  XO  

Posted on: Thu, Aug 28 2008 3:55 AM

Posted by: Christopher Hill Posts: 257

Hiya, so overall did you enjoy Manchester pride or not?  I went to London Pride last year but it rained all day and Graham Norton and Mcfly just don't look the same when they are wet!!

I am Chris.  Full Time wheelchair user, 35yrs old and i am also gay.  I came out in year 2000 and was able bodied at the time.  I used to regularly go to a London Bar whaere a deaf gay guy went.  He seemed to know alot of people there so i guess he went there alot too.  People were falling over to chat with him (he mainly mouth read although a couple of ppl signed too).  Since i been in the wheelchair i have not been to a pub at all.  I now think why would anybody want to go out with a disabled person when there are plenty of hunky able bodied blokes around.  I guess the answer is you need to find someone who is willing to look beyond the chair and get to know you and what you are about and not just how you ended on four wheels!

Since disabled i always thought it would be better to date and able bodied person cos then at least they could help you do the things you find difficult.  I notice on line there is a number of dating sites for disabled wanting to meet disabled.  I guess once again we need to look beyond the chair.

I still adjusting to my life of carers and chairs at the mo so a man is the last on the list plus all these meds has stopped old burt downstairs working so wots the point.  Might as well watch the men with there shirts off walking down the road for now.

Take care and feel free to PM me, Chris

Posted on: Thu, Aug 28 2008 7:16 AM

Posted by: shellGVchick Posts: 1,261

Every one deserves to be happy and find love.  I don't care if your gay, straight, or disabled. You still have feelings and desires.  If you are happy being who you are then that is all that should matter.  I think people get this idea that you have to be matched up with an equal aka wheelchair to be happy. I can't see why normal AB people can't be with a disabled person.  You are disabled but you were a man before disability. There are a lot of stereotypes out there. It's part of life and I can understand your frustration.

Posted on: Thu, Aug 28 2008 9:06 AM

Posted by: Lisa Posts: 411

Hello Joe,

~

You asked some really good questions here, but they are the very same if your gay or not... living life from a wheelchair means learning not to look like the 'little person'... Those 'awww' you get seem to be from someone without much else bright to share with you, they are embarrassed that THEY can't relate to you, it's how our world is you know, many people are uncomfortable around the handicapped.  A relationship as you know is more then being able to maintain ( trying to keep in mind young people read these topics too )... maintain an erection, it IS about intimacy and hugging and stuff. The human mind has the ablity to 'turn on' at just a touch, so perhaps putting too much energy of thought into the action of intercourse is stressful yes ??

~

There is a book called "The Joy of Sex" and I think they also have one on the market for the Gay community. They are a bit graphic I think, but you might see if it's something that helps you a bit more on the deeper levels of what a handicapped person and or can't do in the bedroom !!  I don't think it's about what gender we are born, but what is Inside our hearts that helps us in any relationship Joe... Don't give up on yourself, put out that healthy energy of a very healthy mind and someone Is going to see who you are, with or without CP.

~ Lisa Catherine