Last post Thu, Jan 10 2008 3:10 PM by uisge. 11 replies.
Whenever the doctors ask me how I'm delaing with my disability I tell them I'm doing find and it doesn't bother me.And I'm always able to have a great sense of humor and good attitude around them..But then when I go home, late at night, like right now..I just get this sever depression..I never think about anything..All these thoughts rush through my mind.."People are only being nice to you because you're handicapped" or "So and so doesnt really like you"..Or just not being happy with myself. OR even not knowing why I'm depressed just knowing that I'm just really really feeling like crap. But whenever the doctors ask me how I'm feeling or I see them..I automatically put on the happy face..I used to get beaten up on daily bases many years ago..And still deal with people acting weird around me..(being overly nice..or the opposite..just being rude.)..So I automatcially think that all the friends I have are only being my friend for that reason..
I used to inflict self harm.It started in about 5th or sixth grade.Hitting myeslf.THen in high school I moved up to cutting. Now I think it is more just mental abuse on myself.
I know I should talk to someone..But I just really don't want anymore damned medicine. I have other kind of twisted thoughts too..ut those are probably just persnality related..Anyway..can anyone give be the big reasons to go get help?
Thanks.
hi resiak, gee i am sorry that you are feeling bad and went through these things.i'm no doctor but if you were my frined i would want to help you feel better and find a dr that you like, and trust a dr. who will listen to you and respect your wishes that you don't want medications. there has to be some out there that will. i'm glad you told us and don't keep it bottled up inside. i hope one of the drs here can help you where to go [we don't know where you live]. please stick around with us and make new friends here ok?[me i am one now]
Hi. I'm a new member, looking for anyone else with a psych disability. I've been dealing with it for a long, long time. I'd love to talk with you.
You, yourself, have written more than enough reasons to get help. There are so many new aand better mess available - maybe you should rethink it. And therapy - therapy, therapy, therapy. Individual, group.
Are you bad enough to think about Disability? Are you currently in treatment? If not, when was the last time you saw a doctor?
I'd like to be your friend. I can also help you with Disability.
Write back...
As for me, it took a long time for me to get help. I finallly got so bad that it was becoming a big problem. I finally had to swollow my pride and start talking to the Dr's. I should have been honest with myself sooner i might not have got so bad. Screw what everybody else might think and do what will be in your best interest. Get the help.. if it doesn't work for you, you can alway quite. In my case it made me a lot better. All most a different person.
Hi,
Just wanted to share that you can join another group that I belong too called "MindFreedom".
Thats www.MindFreedom.org and it is all about freedom of choice instead of Forced Drugging for everyone! Since 1996 I have been a sponsor to families who dare to question the ingredients in "NEUROLEPTICS AND SSRI'S". Most being formulated with ingredients like "RAID" and do change the thought process and sometimes permanently. This includes Tardive Dyskinesia and Tardive Dystonia which are irreversible. My only child/son acquirred this ugly disorder after being drugged with hundreds of drugs against his will and ours. Check out my website if you are interested...http://www.lindval.tripod.com/neurolepticsdamagehumanbrains/ and also Dr. Ann Tracy's website: www.drugawareness.org .
Resiak, thank you for being so honest. I am someone who remains positive 99.9% of the time, mainly because I never STOP so I have to think about all that frightens or worries me. I stay busy continually, until I pass out. I work for hours on end in my own business, and when I'm too tired to do that, I put on my Friends DVDs until I pass out. I hate going anywhere without something to do, such as listening to audio books or reading RSS feeds on my blackberry or playing card games on my phone - no, let me correct that, I'm SCARED of being caught anywhere with nothing to do to keep my mind occupied.
What would happen if I ever just sit and think? Pretty much what happens to you. You are not alone at all in what you are feeling. I am not physically disabled, I am mentally "unhealthy". I'm obsessive compulsive with a stress-related disorder that causes me to scar myself as a nervous habit (it's called CSP, Chronic Skin Picking), and no one has come up with a cure for it, except to get rid of all stress - like that will ever happen!). My family, although they love me, thinks I'm gross and hates that I do it, but I can't stop myself. I've scarred myself forever, so that then makes me feel worthless and hopeless. I try never to look in a mirror, because that would just kill me. I can only go out in public if I'm completely covered up.
I was on anti-depressants for quite a while, but that was for another reason - I was pushing down anger toward another family member instead of releasing it. I finally decided I'd let people know when they had crossed my border lines and express anger (in hopefully an acceptable manner), and as a result, I didn't need medicine any more. However, underneath it all is this panic and fear that I've missed something, I've screwed up, I'm going to get in trouble for something (my OCD having a field day with me). My office gets messy and then I get overwhelm-panic - it's just too much to take on to put it in order, but the mess means I may not get everything done and therefore get in trouble. You see my catch-22 predicament?
My last counselor was wonderful. He uncovered, in our evaluation period, what no other doctor had ever uncovered - I had been physically abused as a child, and I never acknowledged it. I never knew when someone in authority over me might lose it and hit me (which caused a horrible fear of all people in authority even as an adult). I thought it was how ALL families acted, so I never thought of it as abuse. But hitting me with a spaghetti pot, or beating me with a wooden hanger did happen to count as child abuse, he told me. So now I know where this fear of messing up comes from, but I can't get rid of it. This constant nervousness is my constant companion, and since I can't seem to be healed of it, I just COMPENSATE for it and put all that nervous energy into running businesses and designing software.So please do find someone to talk to. I lost my insurance when I went into full-time business for myself a year ago, so I can't afford to continue to see that psychologist. I wish I could, because he has helped me in so many ways that I have lost count. He helped me get over physical reactions to stimuli that seemed to re-enact the onslaught of one particular beating I remember. I am finally free of that. Now, if I could just get help again to deal with the rest of this. Hopefully, if my business does well enough this next year, I want to go back to him to help me continue to get better and less stressed. I hope you talk to someone as well.
A community nonprofit organization that provides truly private psychotherapy for no fee (or a low fee).
Clients "pay for" their therapy by doing independent volunteer work for the charity of their choice.
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Linda-I've never heard of this organization! I'm a psychologist-in-training and have a couple of more years until I graduate...I'm volunteering all my work as a therapist right now while I'm in school so for the moment I'm dying to get paid for SOME of my work! BUT I'm definitely going to check this out as a way to give back.....Have you or anyone you know used the services? I'd like to know more about it.
I haven't used the service for my son but I do know that the VIP Center has been in practice for many years and if you want to know of anyone who has used the center you might want to call David Oaks of www.MindFreedom.org as VIP is a sponsor on MindFreedom website and David Oaks knows the center. Another good center to contact would be www.medsfree.com where Dr. Mark Popper, Dr. Pepe Santana and Dr. Brent Olsen work in Fresno, California. My son attended this center (use to be called San Joaquin Psychotherapy Center but Dr. Kevin McCready died in 2004 so Dr. Popper relocated and changed the name to Sequoia Psychotherapy Center). This center uses NO DRUGS and also helps people who really want to detox if they are run-aways from different states. We didn't want our son drugged or damaged as many of them turn out through psychiatry and that system so we removed him from Santa Clara's awful drug treatments to actually save his life. Many others who do not want drugs but are forced drugged run away even if court ordered and with no proof at all that any of these labels exist I think it to be the best way. David Oaks who is a Ph.d was forced to take Haldol shots in order to receive his degree from Harvard. This was almost 30 years ago and ever since then he fights for freedom of choice and we are involved with 13-20 countries. We have huge conferences and you should look into it before you decide one way or another who is right or wrong when it comes to poisoning the body and brain. David Oaks phone number is 1-877-Mad-Pride (the e at the end of pride doesn't count). Hope this helps!
If taking care of yourself isn't reason enough then I don't know what to say. I have struggled with severe depression through my life and frankly I just got sick of feeling crappy so I sought help. I only had to be on medication for a few years before my chemical imbalance as well as life circumstance corrected itself to where I could get off. I'm lucky one of the few that have been able to get off, but even if you have to be on medicine, isn't that better than sitting there feeling like poo all the time? Like I said, you have to want it or no matter what anyone says it won't be enough.
I found cognitive therapy to be hugely helpful in helping me learn how to turn around some of my depression. I rarely succeed at ridding myself of all of it, but learning new thought patterns and keeping a cheat sheet handy -- IN SIGHT -- helps me remember. I got out of the habit for a few years and am now refreshing my lessons. I went to a cognitive therapist in college and now I use "Feeling Good" by Dr. Burns as my refresher reference.
Depending on your situation, maybe finding a reputable cognitive therapist would help, or get the book and go the self help route. I find if I keep the pointers in my mind, it's much easier to catch the thoughts before they take over my brain. :)
Julia
