Last post Fri, May 02 2008 9:18 PM by GiGi. 32 replies.
HEY YOU GUYS I'M NEW TO THE SITE. I THINK IT'S GREAT!!! I HAD A QUESTION THOUGH. I'M 18 AND I WANT TO KNOW DO WE GET ROMANCE TOO? I MEAN I HAVE HAD THE WORST EXPERIENCE WITH MEN. THEY PRETEND TO UNDERSTAND ALL ABOUT THE DISABILITY, BUT THEY JUST GET TIERED AND THEY REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE. I JUST WANT TO FIND A NICE ROMANTIC GUY THAT WILL UNDERTAND ME!!! I KNOW IT MIGHT BE TOO MUTCH TO ASK FOR, BUT I REALLY HOPE IT'S NOT. ANY GUY OUT THERE GIVE A SHOUT...LOL... ANY GIRLS THAT ARE TRULY HAPPY HOW DID YOU DO IT???
THANKS
Hey Violeta,
WELCOME to Disaboom! I'm really glad you joined and jumped right in with such a good topic (or at least I think so!)....I'm sorry you've had some bad experiences with guys. Those can definitely take a while to bounce back from but I'm glad to see that it doesn't seem like you've given up! I think I qualify as a girl whose truly happy in several areas of my life, including romance. I've been dating my boyfriend for 7 years...we found each other through functions hosted by our disability's main organization. He's the first and only guy I've ever dated who was also in a wheelchair (and shares my same condition) but it just so happen that we definitely clicked the best. Sure, we have that in common but much much more. I think the best advice I can give would be to look for a friend first (with that spark of course) and with any luck-the rest will come on its own. I hope 2008 is your year for romance!
I have had a boyfriend for about 6 months now. He has CP and I have spina bifida. I actually met him at my work. He was in the need for a new wheelchair and the sales guy called me up to show him my chair. You just have to get out there. My friend and I before the birth of her baby girl would go out at least twice a month, just to do anything. We would go to concerts, movies, or just to the mall. When I met my guy I was just finally getting over my ex yet he was still trying to talk to me. I wasn't ready for a relationship. I tried it and I am now in love. So, a guy will find you when you least expect it.
Hi Violeta,
I'm new to disaboom too but I saw your post and felt compelled to respond because I completely understand how you feel, when I was in high school I felt like romanace would never find me. I have spatic quadraplegia CP which causes me to need to use a powerchair to get around and have help for some daily living tasks. I wondered if any guy would ever see past my chair and get to know me as a person and love me exactly as I am. I thought if it ever happened for me it would be quite a bit later in life once guys had matured some and could be more accepting of dating a woman with a disability. However, I like the others who have responded to your post am here to tell you that we definately can have romance in our lives. I met my boyfriend, who I have now been happily dating for 5 years during our freshman year in college. We went to a college that has a large porportion of disabled students and we became friends while living in the same dorm that had the personal care services we both needed, he has an SCI. At that point, I wasn't really looking for a relationship, but once we became friends I slowly began to have deeper feelings for him and one day decided that I had to ask him out or risk spending the rest of my life wondering what might have been and we've never looked back from that day. Several of my other disabled friends from college found relationships there, 2 of whom are now engaged to each other...so it definately can & does happen!
For me, the old adage "It'll happen as soon as you stop looking" was definately true for me and some others I know. Also, whenever you meet people keep an open mind, you never know where that someone special. And, If there's someone you are intersted in...don't be afraid to make the first move. Yes, I know it can be intimidating but you'll never know what might happen unless you ask. It was definately one of the best things I've ever done!!! Hope that helps! Best of luck!
I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL I HAVE BEEN HAVING SORT OF A HARD TIME AND SOMETIMES I WONDER IF THE HEARTACKE IS WORTH IT. YOUR STORIES GIVE ME SOME HOPE AND AFTER ALL I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER LOSE HOPE. I REALLY HOPE I CAN FIND MR RIGHT LIKE YOU GUYS DID, BUT SOME TIMES I HAVE THE FELING THAT ALL THE GOOD GUYS ARE TAKEN...LOL I REALLY HOPE NOT THOUGH.
I just have to say that I always wondered if I would ever find romance. Well I did. I met my husband on a personal ad site 2 1/2 yrs ago. we married this past summer. I never thought in a million yrs i would ever fall in love with my best friend. He is a dream come true for me. He totally accepts me for who I am, all the good and the bad (including me being high maintance..lol) You will find romance and someone who will accept you for who you are. I am 36 and had to pull alot of weeds to get the wonderful flower I have now. Not every man you meet will be able to handle your disablity, I have spina biffida and it was very hard. I was always good enough to be friends with and to be sexually attracted to but never good enough to be in a real relationship with. When I met Randy I gave up on love. We hung out everyday, we did everything together, He even took me to Cedar Point and pushed me all over the park in a wheelchair since I was not able to walk that far. I knew that day that he was real and my disablity never bothered him. You are 18 enjoy your life and everything that comes along with it . It goes by so fast. angi~ ( sorry for the pink now. i have no clue how it go there.)
Hi Violeta
I don't have a disability, but my boyfriend Brian (that's him in my avatar pic!) has CP. He's told me that he never thought he would find a romantic relationship. But here we are! We've known each other for a year now, and we plan to marry after we graduate from college. Brian is the brightest part of my life, and I'm sure there's someone out there who will feel the same way about you.
Don't give up!
Manda
I've basically been waiting for some able-bodied male to be able to see past my chair and my unfamilliarity with romance. I have faith that he's out there somewhere, but I'm tired of waiting. My CP really isn't that bad, and I'll admit that I could be a lot less attractive. I can speak clearly most of the time, and I have good control of my limbs, and I only drool when I'm really tired, lol. I know how to look at people when they talk to me. So what's the problem? I guess I send the mesage that I don't want the attention, and being in college, people expect me to have experience with it, and I don't.
I've found it really hard, impossible actually, to connect with other people with disabilities. Here's a horror story for you--actually a series of horror stories. I went to a summer camp for kids with diabilities when i was 8, and again when I was 16. I thought it would be better the second time, seeing as I'd gotten over my paralyzing childhood fear of abandonment. It wasn't. There was no one with a mild physical disability--all I remember is people being jealous of me because I could do so many things they couldn't. It disturbs me that in that situation I act(ed?) like a naive able-bodied person. I laughed at things that weren't funny, I gave encouragements that weren't really encouraging. At one point a girl yelled at me to shut up four times in a row. And he counselors, those goody-goodies who would go back to their lives at the end of the summer and tell all their friends that they helped "special needs campers" (people only a couple years younger than they were, if not much older!), and get praise for being so good-hearted. They treated us like we were 5. One of us going off by ourselves was a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Maybe I'll find somone more similiar to me on this site. :)
Hi, I'm new to this site also. I'm not disabled but my husband has CP, so I wanted to let you know that romance is possible! I met my husband online.
Finding love isn't necessarily easy no matter who you are, but it does exist.
Good luck!
SHOUT!!!
However, I am 39, and the days are counting! I thought this site was the best thing next to Ma's Home Made Apple Pie. You brought up a very tipical problem here, I have no one to romance, and the ones that I find that I can are either too young or too far away from me. I don't know how you are abled. But from the sounds of things, I'd say... perty disabled. Let me introduce myself, my dis-Ability is brain injury that I had sustained in 1980 with the help of a bicycle that I was riding at the time, and a semi-truck with the plates XXXXXXX. No, my memory isn't that good. It seems that I can't win a girl's love by using my mind... or what I have, it seems that I have to continue on down this lonely road.
Hey, I am really happy that you have found this site helpful.
Man, you do sound so much like a girl that I once knew who lived in Saukville, WI. I don't need to go into detail. Are you her?
Hey, although I had never seen her(you)drool, I'd like to say that I am interested in re-meeting her(you) again.
Hey "Escape," Yes it's sometimes very hard to connect with other people with disabilities, I think because you have so much in common, you began to get critical of that person, so you might tend to shy away! And, it's like any social situlation, finding that right one that you really connect with. Then, there are those at camps, well, at least my camp that I went to for 14 years, that have slight mental disabilities along with haveing CP. I did find someone once over those 14 years [who had severe CP also] that I was in a relationship with for a very short time. It didn't work out, but the love and total understanding we had for each other because we were in the same boat was something I had never experienced before! It was awsome! I learned alot just in the very short time we were together. I know, everybody says just wait, he or she will come, it's hard to believe it sometimes, but they're right! I found one, but still waiting for the next weather she is disabled or not!
violeta240: HEY YOU GUYS I'M NEW TO THE SITE. I THINK IT'S GREAT!!! I HAD A QUESTION THOUGH. I'M 18 AND I WANT TO KNOW DO WE GET ROMANCE TOO? I MEAN I HAVE HAD THE WORST EXPERIENCE WITH MEN. THEY PRETEND TO UNDERSTAND ALL ABOUT THE DISABILITY, BUT THEY JUST GET TIERED AND THEY REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE. I JUST WANT TO FIND A NICE ROMANTIC GUY THAT WILL UNDERTAND ME!!! I KNOW IT MIGHT BE TOO MUTCH TO ASK FOR, BUT I REALLY HOPE IT'S NOT. ANY GUY OUT THERE GIVE A SHOUT...LOL... ANY GIRLS THAT ARE TRULY HAPPY HOW DID YOU DO IT??? THANKS
I'm new here, too, and I will give you a YES on the romance end of it. Although I have few fond memories of my dating years.....explanations, laying all the cards of the table, etc., I found my guy at college while with a group of girlfriends. He is a CRAB (currently regarded as able bodied, and we've been married for 31 years. I had good drs., and was able to give birth naturally to a son and a daughter. They are both perfectly healthy. In my case, it may have been because my hubby's dad had severe leg problems from World War II, but he had enough empathy to love me for who I was, and not my disability.
Hang in there, keep smiling, and just be your beautiful self!!!!!
