Last post Sun, Jan 27 2008 2:30 AM by JonathanBlake. 33 replies.
Who cares for the caregiver? It's pretty common knowlege that being a caregiver can be stressfull, ask any parent with a young child or adult child caring for an aging parent. Ask me, I'm my wife's primary caretaker and while she has an aide 50 hrs a week, the rest of the time the job is in my hands. I make it a point to care for myself too, especially taking enough me time.
And that is really the heart of the issue. As a couple we have two minds and only one set of hands. After all I did say,
"...when we were getting serious I told her my poor prospects as a wage earner but that I would always take care of her. Linda told me how much care she needed and asked, didn't I want to wait and date some other girls?"
Sometimes she has to call me for assistance (often literally on my cell from her remote control voice activated Ameriphone), something she is loathe to do. I rarely mind when I hear her ethereal ring tone, unless I'm deeply involved in some task that's vital in my mind. Sometimes Linda wants to sort through paperwork or hang curtains, while I want to work on our asset allocation or pick our blueberries. We always manage to work it out, but it occasionally taxes our consciences (read guilt) and domestic tranquility (I'll leave that to your imagination).
Bruce
Quoted portion is from my blog DISALIFE: Aide or Hinder
To see my other blog posts click http://community.disaboom.com/tags/DISALIFE
To my Dearest Husband
Your promise to take care of me till I die because you aren't a good wage earner, you mention all through disaboom. To me this promise has been gone long ago. I made my commitment to love you through sickness and health. I am concerned that your staying with me because of your NOT being a wage earner. I want to be loved just because you love me. If I did not need care, would you still love me??????? I was agreed when I left the safety of my mom's house to move into our apartment. The only money we lived on was my SSD. Thats why I paid all the bills, I was also a good saver. I was hesitant if you could withstand all the work in taking care of me???
I phone call you because your face is the first face that makes me smile in the morning; NOT my aides. There is no emergency that I couldn't handle with the phone by my bed. I am in love YOU. For richer or poorer, everyday I will listen and truly see you as I only can see you and validate you.. You have brought tears and laughter as I am reading your blogs and comments. I see and and feel your thoughts are always on me!!!!!!!!!!!! I am aware how difficult it is for you to join in on a conversation. But yet you sooo surprise me with your writing. Your my writer I have never known you to be. I am very proud of you. You have seen the great potential of this site, and have given it your all the time and work into making disaboom a success.
Love, always caring for your needs too,
Linda = Serendipity
I totally get what you are saying. I am a fulltime 24/7 caregiver for my better half. Good thing we are great buds, have similar interests and find humor in most things. But, that said, it is hard at times . No two ways about it.We do nearly everything together from sun up to sun down, in part because we enjoy each others company, in part because we both want to be as actively involved in life as possible (shopping, taking courses, banking, etc.) and in part because we don't have any outside support and Rec can't manage independently yet. I am not complaining , as most of the time I consider it a blessing that we have this time together, but it also means that I don't have to worry if we do things together. Rec has improved enough that I can leave for a couple of hours as long as I have my cell phone and we are past the main daily routines. We are indeed fortunate. Still it is hard, especially when socializing with family or friends, or reminiscing about our life pre-stroke 4 yrs ago. We used to hike, ski, bike, boat, scuba, you name it...we were rather active athletically, as are our friends/family. Currently we have to be content with dining out/in, walking in a warm pool,stationary bike,treadmill ,cheerleading others. I know that logically I could still participate, but it just isn't my nature to leave Rec out, not to mention the lack of hands on support. Instead we give 110% to his rehab and take advantage of every adventure we can have as he progresses. Wouldn't have it any other way.
hi
i'd like to give big kudos to all of you who are caregivers to people with disabilities!
i'm a c4-5 quadriplegic and i live with a wonderful family of friends and one of them is a nurse, sandra, and she takes care of me before and after her work. her 83 y/o mother in law who i call "ma" ( she's like a mother to me ) helps me during the day as much as she can, and ma's son , sandra's husband, is the one who gets me out of bed everyday and takes me to doctor's appointments and everywhere i need to go.
without these beautiful, wonderful people, i'd be nothing!
hugs, lola
I wish my husband would take care of himself! I often think the caregivers are so overlooked. Your post and your wife's post made me cry. So lovely!
"Important events are obscure. Some believe all manner of hearsay evidence; others twist truth into fiction; and time magnifies both perversions."Tacitus
Hi Lieslmcq,
Tears of happiness, I hope. Those are always good for the soul.
BurnThisCube: Hi Lieslmcq, Tears of happiness, I hope. Those are always good for the soul. Bruce
Probably. I was deeply touched too, as so often when You talk about Your wife.
It´s so heart warming.
Daisies
Absolutely! It was just so touching to read, especially since my husband is my caregiver, so I indentify with much of what you have written.
Glad to see that caregiving is being seen as a lifespan issue with the entries on being a "well-spouse" (BTW see http://www.wellspouse.org/), not just eldercare. I'm the parent of a multiply disabled child who will need lifelong care. I didn't realize I was a caregiver until she was around 5 and I started thinking "wait a minute, not every mom is still diapering their child and giving them baby food at this age"- a kind of light bulb moment. Too often we see ourselves as just being a good mom, wife, or daughter and don't realize we have an extra role. November is National Family Caregivers Month and I've attached (below) the presidential proclamation in recognition of all you do...
National Family Caregivers Month, 2007 A Proclamation By the President of the United States of America
Each year during National Family Caregivers Month, we celebrate all those who dedicate themselves to caring for others and recognize their efforts to comfort and improve the lives of their loved ones in need.
One of our Nation's defining values is compassion, and we must do our best to see that every citizen is treated with dignity and respect. Family caregivers demonstrate this compassion, often at great sacrifice, to assist with everyday activities for family members who are elderly, chronically ill, or disabled. This dedication contributes to a culture of caring and responsibility across our country.
My Administration remains committed to supporting family caregivers by enhancing their access to services, agencies, and other providers. Late last year, I signed "The Lifespan Respite Care Act of 2006," which establishes a program to assist family caregivers in accessing affordable and high-quality respite care. The National Family Caregiver Support Program encourages cooperation among agencies and other organizations that support and work with the family caregivers. This program offers information, training, and counseling to help family caregivers assist their loved ones.
National Family Caregivers Month is a time to recognize family caregivers for their good hearts and tireless support. Their love and devotion exemplify the true spirit of America.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim November 2007 as National Family Caregivers Month. I encourage all Americans to honor the selfless service of caregivers who support their loved ones in need.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirty-first day of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand seven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-second.
GEORGE W. BUSH
Being 30 and single, i always wonder if i will find anyone that will be okay with things like waking up with wet sheets once in a while, or hauling me up steps into a house, or carrying me and then my chair up a flight of stairs, or being the main vacuumer/mopper in the house, and who knows what else as i get older. i also am not going to have children because of several health aspects, and i know it will be hard to find someone who doesn't want to have kids, unless he already has them, and even then, may want more. i have to wonder if the reason some of my ex-boyfriends are exes for reasons other than those given, and i also wonder if i threw away relationships with men that would have accepted every aspect of life with me (of course, those were all when i was younger and still planned on having kids). i think about this A LOT. i'm okay being alone, but i certainly don't want to do it for the rest of my life!
Sharon,
You just haven't met the right guy, you are a female and In my humble opinion will have no trouble finding a mate. us Guys are suckers. You'll catch one if you put yourself out there...take my word for it..
um...i've been out there a while....it's gonna get cold out there soon!
and i already knew guys are suckers. duh!
HI Sharon! I know what you mean. I'm 23 and have always been single. I feel like I am never going to find I guy and it is toungh cuz I need help when it comes to personal care issue and I don't not want to be a burden to my partner if I ever get one. I feel as though I am a burden to my parents and I do not want that strain in a relationship. I am also strating to get even more frustrated cuz I have never been in a relationship and I feel the need for one.
i feel like a burden to my parents, even though i don't need a helper. it's gotten hard for my mom to lift my chair, as both of her shoulders are bad, plus she has bechets, so she tires easily. so i feel guilty whenever we go somewhere together, but she always insists on driving, because she hates my driving and she hates my car (it's small and dirty!), and i can't get my chair into her car, as it's a four door. she puts my chair in the trunk. my parents are getting older, and my chair isn't getting any lighter, so i feel a lot of guilt about them having to lift my chair (my dad drives a truck and puts the chair in the bed, but i hardly ever go anywhere with just my dad), and my mom is constantly cracking her ankles on my footrests or front wheels, i even feel guilty about running over the dogs toes!
