Last post Fri, Apr 11 2008 12:26 AM by poetdowns. 13 replies.
Sounds very low in what I write though ,its as if my own state of mind holds such a roller coaster in emotions in way I think of self all the time .
people always telling me I do not know my own thoughts or self or actions are a mistake or wrong choices when in fact I was happy in my own self and strong in belief of what i choosed to do as at same time it was wrong in other peoples eyes that placed guilt so strong in me that i am told HOW I FAILED those i love in my heart each day of my life .
I constantly trying change myself to improve self daily to only find how i disappoint those i love dearly and all m changes are not improment or good in there eyes yes it matters to me deeply what those i love hink and maybe it should not i know i see good in everyone and thats important at same time why is it so hard see good in me too
expectations maybe its right i expect things returned that is so easily in me giving i expect same in all and told i have a pity party when only I WANT TO CRY to realse build up emotions that is wrong for me to allow freely or be seen to those that love me it only says im weak i words i hear why? does love hurt?
or hold a price tag?
or filled withhigh GUILT
i KNOW IM LOVED BUT WHY IS IT CONTROLLED IN EMOTIONS
Slow down a bit on beating yourself with guilt. Engage in some uplifting conversations. Your friends can be found here at Disaboom. Dave
loving someone and agreeing with them are two totally different critters.
I love my family with all my heart,but constantly argue with them about just about everything.
If only they'd accept *insert whatever here* everything would be fine.
As long as nobody is harmed there is always room for differing opinions,even if they're being idiots.
Guilt, Shame, Remorse...I live with it everyday. Emotional abuse is a very deadly thing. I was physically and mentally abused which led to the emotional abuse. I became insecure, with myself and that made it even harder. When you let your emotions get involved and whomever it is that you trusted with opening up to fails to give you what you need that's emotional abuse because then you build walls to keep people out in fear of getting hurt and that in return leads to self distruction. I know I've been there. True love DON'T come with a price tag. I have serious issues with things that happened to me 7 years ago yet the man I'm with loves me unconditionally so when we can't do things that normal couples do he doesn't get mad or go elsewhere he holds me, crys with me, dries my tears. No, he don't understand, but that's the beauty of Love...HE TRIES!! The only kind of love that has a price tag is conditional. No one needs that. Love isn't shut on and off. When you love someone unconditionally there are no boundaries. You don't worry or fret because no matter what comes your way if its unconditional it last.
I hope that helps
~Anna~
omg anna ,you are exactly right in your words here .
Being physical and emotional abused all my Life ,from start as small child ,from those as a child you love and trusted as a parent ,then marrying young at age 16,spending 27 years with a man trying understand and educate self due to his disabilties that at all those years he never stayed on medication or felt he needed help t same time punished me in those crashing phases ,not giving up ,trying to help or maybe just believe in a marriage that nothing could happen that two people could not work through ,after 27 years of that thinking ,kids was grown ,it happened ,i realized i could not educate self enough to help another when they couldn't help self and i was only disabling my own self .
Divorcing then my three children as adults has done nothin but tell me im not a mother or grandmother the guilt attached to that ,
guilt of breaking up the family
guilt of breaking up there lives
guilt of divorce
now remarried after three years of divorce and my adult children have done nothing but blame and punish my husband ,there step father ,he has spent way to many times in jail over my children friends with police or false accusations as there mother has too.
although added guilt in many directions
as i love them all why they being this way.
my husband presently now ,we argue over anything and everything big time too.
The guit that ends up in my pockets that confuses my brain
thoughts are numb
when it gets to bad i get in truck and leave mostly punishing self by staying in truck
its like when all my emotions are all open to extremes i can not release them its my pity party
im told i am to negative ,no one wants that negative in there life
it is surrounding our enviroment though.
all though every fight we hold some how drags us back together trying salavage what we destroyed or i did in taking off .
thn sometimes theres guilt i have to eat up and swallow for my actions
its been a year and 5 months after 640 pills i took and self harming
sucidal attempt that no one truly understands why!
the guilt and chit does not stop even knowing that about me.
my emotions are worn way out there big time
walk around with no walls just allowing emotions to be some form common sense and that is most unhealthy area anyone can live through each day.
its like alking around with this doom cloud over top your head
you know it see it live it feel it
not know how stop or remove it away for my own well being.
every have so high emotions its like your own brain shuts down.
my husband tries hard understand me but he does not.
i try hard understand all of them and i dont
sometimes its like this things gets so bad i want to be held just let me cry have that pity party
im am not that strong
love is like this if good girl theres affections love
if bad girl
the love is there deeply just not felt
to me it comes with price tag and attached guilt
for me to live my life I have find a way to release and feel i do not have to live life of guilt
I came from a broken home myself only I was young when my parents split but it didn't hurt any less. I was torn my dad didn't want me and my mom was so busy working 2 sometimes 3 jobs at a time to support 4 kids that she didn't have time for us. I resented her for a long time but I never stopped loving her. She did her best and finally when I grew up a little and stopped being so selfish I let it go and now my mom and I have a wonderful relationship. No we don't always see eye to eye but we love each other and that will never change.
Although the situation is different it still has it's commonalities. Before I get started I want you to let me know if I step outta line with anything I say. After all it is only my opinion that I've gathered just by what I've read. I'm only trying to help. I know it's hard but a lot of times we beat ourselves up for no reason at all. Your ex-husband is a foolish man. From what I gather you may have got into the marriage at a young age to get out of a bad situation not fully understanding the concept of marriage. However, I was NOT you who failed but your husband. So, stop taking credit for the failed marriage that's all on him. You may not have been 100% ready for the marriage being only what 16, but I feel like you loved him and even at 16 you know what love is. You put your all into your marriage. You stood by him with the intent to help him expecting the same in return only to find that he used you as a crutch. So while he was lifted up you were sinking instead of him allowing you to lean also so that both of you would be supported. That's what you do for someone you love you work together as one and HE FAILED to do that. He got so caught up in himself he went from just simply having a handicap to becoming the disability. Not realizing that he was causing you to be handicap. You had more responsibilities than just him. Your children, your home, your job if you worked there isn't a human being out there that could take all that weight and stay up for very long. I think you got to the point were you knew, but since you had children you fought not yourself anymore but for them and any good mother would. You are a GOOG MOM! You hung in there longer than anyone else would have. I applaude you for that but eventually you got to the point of breaking when you realized Hey the kids are grown. I can't imagine how you must have felt walking out of that house empty and broken. Finally able to mend. To pay attention to what had been neglected for so long: YOU! However, I assume your children had thought for so long that everything was fine and even though they were grown it still hurt. I'm sure they felt as if you not only walked out on their father but on them as well. You were the backbone of the family for so long without you they were lost. As far as your ex I'm sure he had no idea how much you really did for him until you were gone. Think about it: What happens when your crutches get knocked out from under you and you haven't stood on your own for years? You fall flat on your back as I'm sure he did. The kids on the other hand I'm sure became angry. How could you leave a disabled man? How will he survive? Who's gonna support him now? I can imagine that was some of the questions that ran through their mind. They were probably shocked beyond all believe.
Maybe I'm way off key, but I get the feeling I'm at least pretty close. However, I do know that it's unhealthy for all of you to live with anger and resentment. You can't force your children to like you but I promise they do still love you and always will. My advice would be to show them just how much you do love them and that you didn't walk out on them. Call them a couple times a week if they won't talk mail them a letter a few times a month. Don't try to force yourself on them instead show them how much you care. Be a friend rather than a mom. Gain their trust again. Help them to see they didn't loose their mom, their kids didn't loose a grandma by you remarrying but gained a friend. It will be a long and hard road to tread but if you give them enough space and time they'll come to you. However, never allow them to see you feeling guilty or beating yourself up. Guilt is felt when a person is in the wrong and if it was like I think it was you did nothing wrong. Never regret just move forward....
Someone who Cares,
Adream2,
How can you live life without guilt?
Start with forgiveness. Forgive yourself for the role you played in the situation that weighs so heavily on your heart and then adjust your behavior the best you can so you don't make the same error in the future. Then forgive the other people for the role they played in the situation. Try to remember that we are all learning and everyone is/has/or will in the future, make the same mistakes you have made.
What is emotional abuse?
Biblical definition of love: 1 Corithians Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things; believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things.
Many people mistakenly use the word 'love' when a more fitting word for their actions would be 'abuse'. There is no price tag when love is used correctly.
Best wishes,
Ms. Jessie
not with just forgiveness but by forgiveing them for what they have done to you i have had a hard life but found starting with yourself is not always the way to go you cant give in on yourself.
Well, #1 that's not really love. Words are pale imitations of deeds.
#2,
LXVII believe real love never ends.To everyone else love depends, On if you act good Like they think you should.Such pettiness real love transcends.
#3, It took me a long time to figure out that when i said "love" and the other person said "love", we were using the same word but it didn't mean the same thing. First, figure out your definition of "love", not what you want but what's inside you that you have to give to another.
Then, when someone claims to love you, find out what their definition is -'cause you have to be talking the same language. One person who claimed to love me attacked me with a carving knife. Mmmmm, i don't care what THEIR definition is, in my world you don't do that to those you love. It's more important to be certain of how you define love; 'cause hon, people will tell you what they think you want or need to hear. But their hearts are revealed by their actions. Never put up with abuse. Never let someone be careless with your heart.
vale,
Poet
Love is in no way about guilt, price tags or pain. Whatever the emotion is here most certainly is not love. If those you love so dearly can never be pleased by your attempts to change and please them then if I were you I would stop right trying right now! Love is about feelings but I believe it is more about desiring the very best for the ones we love and doing what we can to help make that happen. I hope you find the way out of this dysfunctional mess. I'm a Christian so of course to share what has helped me in my big mess of life I say much prayer, reading of the Bible, counseling and reading books that will help you become aware of the real problem here and help guide you to a better life. These things helped me tremendously. You are in my prayers. Write me if you need to vent or correspond.
~~Jessie I love your reply to this post!~
~Sherry
Thank you kindly, Ms. Sherry. I appreciate the added note about my post!
Bless you,
Ms. Jessie :)
Very cool insight. Perhaps expecting less from the individual will keep you keep the wall partially down and give one an oppertunity to let the relationship grow.
They are only human and formed by social norms. Which is measuring people by money, possesions and such.
Find some humor in it and nurture a positive mental attitude.
We do have a choice.
Hang in there,
Phil
I can't let this one go, sorry....
Anna, you wrote "Guilt is felt when a person is in the wrong". That's really not true. Many people in the wrong -from pedophiles to persons commiting genocide- don't feel at all guilty about the devastation they wreak.
Conversely (and very sadly), victims of abuse almost always feel guilty, and most end up with a complex of blaming themselves when they're nowhere near "being in the wrong".
