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Posted on: Wed, Mar 5 2008 2:12 PM

Posted by: zgailgoodman Posts: 81

Ashiya I know to well the complexities of your situation.  I am assuming your PTSD was from some sort of attack.  Mine was and with the help of a therapist and a psychiatrist and medication it took me five years to move on.  I already suffered from depression and anxiety.  And of cours the asthma,hypo. glycemia,hypothroism and sleep apnea and now possible a pituitary problem.  But the PTSD was the one that threw me for a loop.  I can understand everyword.  I took little steps.  There is a procedure where you do the activity and then it translates into the brain and it does work.  You want to move faster and this works.Don;t wait ti it feel good and safe to go outside.  know that it is safe and just walk out the front door turn arund and come back in.  You kave now proved to the brain that it is safe though you still have those other feelings.  The longer you wait the longer it will take.  Yu don;t have to take five years like me.  I found that I hadto make a change to be able to enjoy the phone.  I bought a cheap head set.  Both my hands are free and I feel like I am talking to someone verses having them in my ear.  Its made a terrific difference.  It was my own idea.  San you look in your bathroom mirror and talk to yourself because yourself is safe.  See how limited or unlimited yu can be.  Talking to yourself is not related to your PTSD.   Though the stress from your PTSD is very very real you have to do things and then it gets reprogramed in the brain.  I hate to have you suffer.  You want to get better and that is about 65% of you future success.  You are not starting from zero.  Take one of my suggestion and that will add on anotheha 5% Start out small. Going out to a mall is too much stimulation.  Withtime that will change.  I used to have to wear ear plugs and couldn't go to the mall.  The theme that yu should be picking up is that you are full of determination and want to get better.  Take steps forward or your brain will start to accept the status quo as normal and I know that you don't want that.  Your determination is your ace in the hole.  Take my suggestions and use them to your advantage.  I don't want other reasons or excuses that justify you not taking action.  Remember I've been there and more.  I don't usually come to this area(I like the disaboom chat) so I am going to give you my email and you can write me after you have walked out yur front door turnaround and come back in.  Eventully you'll get to the end of the walk and each time you do it it will retain the brain.  I have five years of experience therapist,psychiatrists and medication behind me.I still don;t like groups but I force myself so that being isolated isn;t the norm.  Last time I went to a womens potluck I actually felt feeling of enjoyment...after five years.  You are two years ahead of where I was so please use the simple suggestions to begin to retrain the brain to what you want to be normal.  This is your greatest problem so start at the top and go down the list. In the chat room I;m known as Z.  I'm 55 almost 56 from New york-not the city-female.  here is my email address.  I don't do im.  just email phone and in person.     zgailgoodman@yahoo.com   if you want to cross another barrier than call me.  Its safe and just remind me where I met you. I only ask that you don't email me with excuses and explanation .  I have been very honest with you and yu don't have time to waste.  Start retraining your brain and eventually the other things will come into play.  You have alot of little steps before you can be set to tackle other problems.  Spend yur time retraining your brain to what you want to be normal.  here is my phone number because one day if you really get a handle on the PTSD you will be able to talk.  That part is in your head versus throat cancer or the like  (845-425-2775)  Then you;ll know you are really on your way.  Ask yourself "What would really happen if I did call"  A voice would say hello and if thats all you can do then just hang up but when yu look at it that way it shows how the brain in trying to protect itself from more trama has gone overboard and now you do unormal things.  Thus retraining the brain.  So you now have an answer to how to start on the PTSD t yu can take with your determination.  Understand too that your brain in trying to protect from stress will try and convince you not to venture forward.  But the real danger is gone. Gone and you want your life back.  If you can print this page.  No excuse just a plan of action that will work   Sincerely, Gail Goodman                

Posted on: Sat, Mar 29 2008 5:42 PM

Posted by: Rosy Posts: 1

Hi Ashiya,

I'm new to this forum too. While I can't relate to everything you're dealing with, your disabilities sound quite similar to mine.

I'll try to post a more detailed reply later (language is draining for me too). In a nutshell, it sounds like your case manager doesn't understand your disability (unfortunate, given her position!) and, rather than serving as a resource/advocate, is allowing her ignorance to limit your access to necessary health care services. That's not okay -- and neither is it okay for her to function beyond her qualifications by providing treatment herself. I'm not sure what kind of training/credentials she has, but where I live (Boston area) it's possible to get that kind of job fresh out of college with good references and a BA in an unrelated field. Maybe she enjoys "playing therapist" or the feeling of having power over other peoples' lives -- but she does not get to exploit your medical vulnerabilities in order to satisfy those cravings of her own. That is a serious abuse of a "gateway to services" role, and I wish to goodness organizations were better at screening people with control issues out of those positions!

You explained the situation very rationally and articulately, IMHO. Is there someone higher up the administrative ladder that you could forward these posts to? The "Defenders and Advocates" organization for people with disabilities in your state might be another option. 

 More soon. Best wishes. 

Posted on: Thu, Apr 3 2008 4:25 AM

Posted by: midwestguy Posts: 2

Hi,  My screen name is "Midwestguy" and its great to see a website like Disaboom to be able to get or obtain help from other disablity individuals such as myself .   My mental health problems started  when I was 4 or 5 years old, which started with seizures, massive headaches and anxiety attacks.  I was put back 3 grade levels in grade school and was unable to concentrate on any of my subjects  for more than 8 years of my grade school life until I finally volunteerily dropped out of school.  My learning disability was so severe that I was considered third grade level at the age of  14 years old.  I was so embarrassed about myself I ran away from home at 15 years old.   At that time I was feeling so stupid and illiterate that I took on a different  personality,  in my mind I was no longer the dummy any more.  What I did not know, is that I was still a very sick mentally ill individual and was in complete "DENIAL" , to which in some cases I ended up getting in trouble with the law,   but thank goodness it was not pertaining to violence, or drug related, or sex offender offenses.  Nevetheless,  it was not very good for my true self or image.    In some cases I had to be put into mental health outpatient treatment clinics and centers in various parts of this country  that I traveled to at random.   During these mental heatlh episodes I creatively  enstored in my mind that I was very educated and lived very richly,  "grandios" sort of speak, and I was a VIP.   I became an intructor,  teacher,  medical doctor,  actor,  wealthy person,  and a scholar.  I lived these personalities as a real person.     I never ever realized that it was my imagination running a way  from me.    No  mental heatlh physician was able determine my correct mental health illness until I saw a doctor in 2003.  I never could figure out way I had so much difficulty trying to learn and why I kept ending up in trouble with law enforcement.   Finally,  I began to see way I was having so many problems.   With the honest help of a few strangers I truly acquired a partnership with another disabled persom who had different mental heath issues.    We revived a business out of the State of New York that was inactive for  more than ten years and was abandoned.  In 2004 we usered our personal finances to pay the State of  Delaware's  required back taxes.    By research  my partner found that even our corporate assets was abandoned.   When we submitted a claim to the State of New York to try and retrieve the corporate assets we were thrown a "road block"  that is keeping us from regainnning our corporate assets,  We were asked for outdated information going back in time since 1972 we no longer have and it seems no one else we have requested.    I have tryed to obtain an attorney on a contingency basis but no such luck.   My question is,  is there anyone that can help concerning this frustration?

Posted on: Sun, Apr 6 2008 9:13 PM

Posted by: poetdowns Posts: 40

Greetings,

I'm new here too. I also lived in NY, upstate near the border.

I have DID, if you want to talk with me about it, please feel free.Oh, and your CM is wrong. I was/am a disability and child abuse advocate. You certainly have a lot of things to deal with (possibly more than me -i think you win some kind of prize for that); and i'm not going to minimize that. The first thing i'd say is to not have expectations of yourself. I can't do paperwork either and it was quite frustrating for a long time, until i just accepted: hey, i can't fill out forms. Have you had any contact with your local Independent Living Center? (ILC).?  An ILC is an advocate group for the disabled in the community. Usually everyone there has some kind of disability. Their function is to help you, and they don't charge money. Run a search using: independent living center, your city, your state. If there's something they can't help you with, they'll help you find someone who will.

I'm not at my best right now, so that's about all i have for now. I multiple disabilities, mental and physical and i do understand your frustration.

vale,

Poet 

Posted on: Sun, Oct 5 2008 2:43 PM

Posted by: george9t7 Posts: 76

Poet:

I just compleated reading the posts here so as to provide my view.  While I was reading your post, something important has surfaced about myself that i had never seen or understood before.   It's about my own independants or self sufficiency if i could call it that. 

i'm continuing to write now while it's on my mind and before i forget and lose it.

I had Polio as a child of two years of age, have DID per a friend who was a psychistrist MD, but have never been officially classified as being diagnosed with DID due to my problems with counselors, psychologists, doctors, anybody with authority, etc.   I'm 62 years old now, was diagnosed with ADD at 50, but for most of my life, even going to the DMV or any office  was a problem and i can remember getting angry at motor vehicle offices during routeen auto registration or license renewals.   Going to the doctor's would shut me down mentally and i would not be able to even think.  When i appeared in traffic court for an infraction, i was unable to speak.  They wrote on the decision that i remained "mute".  That being said let me proceed to my next point.

As you can imagine, employment would also be problematic for me and it was.  For as long as i can remember, work was hugely important.  I was not able to keep a job, any job for very long.  Somehow I knew that if i could not find a way to earn a living, i might be spending a lot of time in those torcher chambers. (offices....) So, i was determined and found i could work jobs that were 100% commission, and so i DID with amazing determination and eventual success.  From there to self employment and relative high income to even becoming an authority myself.  As i look back, I feel i was able to overcome much of my problems simply by doing other things very well.  In my case, i was able to do well enough in sales and business, so that the authorities were not as threatening as before. 

That was the point i wanted and still want to make to the 25 year old woman who started this post.  I want to offer her my friendship and show her how i overcame some of the problems that she has,  just by being good at other things like she is good at communicating with the written word.

School was a horrible and painful experience for me from start to end.   Starting from a school for the disabled, Sunshine School in San Francisco to regular school and then,  believe it or not to college for another seven years of psychological pain.  Dropping out of school was the best thing i ever DID.  I just could not handle authority even if it was only a teacher.  I suffered through embarrassing illiteracy throughout school, but I DID graduate from high school.  Not learning to read or write until after High School when i taught myself.

And now to the important "insite" that i just now got when i read your reply above.  I lost my businesses about 15 years ago.  While i could say a lot about that and what was happening at that time, it was really and truly only because i was unable to fill out a form.  While thinking about that form i can now say that the form was a form to reveal my financial worth and they called it a Financial Affidavidt form.  If it was a form from an employment office or a doctors office for example, they would have handed it back and said.  Please fill out the rest of it or whatever.  If it were from a bank, as that happened as well, i would just be refused the business loan(s) which they did.  When i bought or leased cars, the dealer would fill it out or make sure it was filled out. 

Now it was 1992 and it's not the bank where i should have gotten that loan.  This time the form to fill out came from a Court.   That unfilled form and with related misunderstanding came my financial disaster.  That destruction was complete and went from 1992 to 1995 when it ended with just myself and social services.  As i think about it, everyone lost including my X-wife who supposedly won,  my kids, my creditors and even the tax payers.  I was no longer paying taxes, but now receiving social services. 

The Family Court thing started up again in 2005 and is still ongoing.  Again it's about financial disclosures.  Only last week did i see that i must be about this form that i was to fill out.  A simple financial form.  From there it went into a nightmare and financial distruction, this time after i had finally started to build up again.  I paid off the last of the support arrears, $25,000.00 early in 2004.  My Ex sued me again for more child support in 2005, but i think it should end soon.  I'm broke again anyway.  I'm going to go back and find that form and when i do, Poet,

Can you help me fill out this form? 

George

Posted on: Sun, Oct 5 2008 3:01 PM

Posted by: george9t7 Posts: 76

I have DID just like you. 

I became very interested in your situation while reading your post here.  After reading the comments to you from the others,  an important answer came for myself that you can read after the one from POET..

I would like to offer you some practical help that comes from my experiences.  It's the kind of help that i never had or ever asked for.

Let me know if you want to chat with me.  I use yahoo messenger, but any other way is okay with me.

George