Last post Mon, Nov 12 2007 7:35 AM by sharonr. 29 replies.
#8 sure is a pain. But in my case it´s so that people talk to my daughter instead of me.
Or to my mom, when we were together at the vet with my cat. He naturally assumed it was my mother´s cat.( She probably had just taken me along because I can´t be left at home alone.) So I told the vet it is MY cat, and I need to know these things he was telling, but he only glanced at me and went on adressing my mom. My mom made little gestures to direct him to me, but no good. After a minute I started trying to get his attention in earnest, and resorted to waving my hand and saying hellooo, trying to get into his line of vision. But he just ignored me.
Though I must say it was a huge exception. Usually people see their fault, and adress me properly.
I let some guy help me once...messed up my whole procedure...sometimes people just try to be too helpfull
Joe
cudachaser: I let some guy help me once...messed up my whole procedure...
You too? I can´t get my chair into my car if I don´t do it my way, which is completely without thinking.
Sometimes people hand in my wheels without even asking, and I get so muddled up as if I´ve never seen a wheel before.
But I have found that people really don´t mind to stay out of my hair when I ward them off with a clear gesture, (I mean a hand, not a finger), and even tell them that I have to do it my way. Then they stand back and mutter about how simply amazing it is what disabled people can do, which I have to admit gives me a great deal of pleasure.
I´m thinking it´s a matter of communication.
And I think I´m gonna post something a bit more in extenso on this subject soon.
Daisies
Daisies:Sometimes people are very honest and say they just want to see how it´s done with the chair and the transfer, if I would mind? And when I think they can take it I say `no, and for a buck or two I would even do it twice´.
Now that you mention it, I have had more than a few people tell me that they just want to see how it's done. I don't mind that too much, like you said, at least they're honest!
Daisies:You too? I can´t get my chair into my car if I don´t do it my way, which is completely without thinking.
Daisies:But I have found that people really don´t mind to stay out of my hair when I ward them off with a clear gesture, (I mean a hand, not a finger), and even tell them that I have to do it my way. Then they stand back and mutter about how simply amazing it is what disabled people can do, which I have to admit gives me a great deal of pleasure.
yes, and yes. some people can't help helping, though, even when you tell them no thank you, i've been doing this awhile! and, i can't get my chair into my car from the passenger side. (i don't have the kind that you take the wheels off, I hated that!) i mean, it can be done, but it takes time and sweat and cussing...lots and lots of cussing!
cudachaser: had people park in the stripped areas between disabled parking spots
i hate that!! why are those stripes not self explanatory?! oh, wait, no, wait, they are, people just don't give a shit.
Tracy:I give a shit and quite frankly i'm starting to take yours personally
maybe i'm not understanding.....exactly what is it that you are giving a shit about and taking personally? are you in a wheelchair or not? i hate to sound snotty, but unless you are actually in a wheelchair and have personally physically experienced it for an extended time, there is no way to "understand" what it's like to be in a wheelchair by reading about people's experiences. i don't know what oprah group you're referring to, and quite frankly, i'm rather insulted that you think you have the right to chastise me when, as i said, unless you are in a wheelchair, you can have no idea what it's like day to day.
and to ease your civic-minded conscious, no, there was no damage caused to the other car, and i knew there wouldn't be from the several times my door hit the car from me simply trying to get my wheelchair in the car, before the anger really set in.
I think many of us have done a little more than a bump a time or two Sharon and you are right damage isn't really the goal-it's just SO frustrating and I agree-if you aren't in a chair or you aren't very close to someone in a chair and truly understand how physically difficult it is to put a chair in the car with not enough room for thedoor AND how it's also embarassing....I've been dressed up for a job interview before and had no choice but to get on the floor of a filthy parking garage to get my chair in car that is parked LEGALLY (because someone parked in the stripes). What choice did I have? Go make an announcement and miss my job interview? There comes a point that we can't take on EVERY role that people think would right the wrongs against people with disabilities...we can't be teachers, police, parking enforcement, ADA compliance monitors, performers ("just because they are curious") AND live life.
I also think that your honest explanation of your manic state, Sharon, was a huge part of the story that seems to have been glossed over. We're each learning about different parts of each others' disabilities and you stated accuratelyl that you were more irritable, already stressed out, and probably more impulsive at the time-I think there needs to be a little more understanding and a little less shaming.
~Kara
I´m thinking it´s next to impossible to damage other cars by slamming one´s door against the other, because cars are built so that the curve of the door hits the rubber or plastic trim that runs alongside most cars. I often had to push my door against the other car, to really push to make it stay open, because it´s quite a bit of work to get a chair in while holding the door open. And the only damage done is to my own door. Which I really regret. The other should get the mark, not my car on top of it all.
Daisies:The other should get the mark, not my car on top of it all.
KaraSwims:..I've been dressed up for a job interview before and had no choice but to get on the floor of a filthy parking garage to get my chair in car that is parked LEGALLY (because someone parked in the stripes). What choice did I have? Go make an announcement and miss my job interview? There comes a point that we can't take on EVERY role that people think would right the wrongs against people with disabilities...we can't be teachers, police, parking enforcement, ADA compliance monitors, performers ("just because they are curious") AND live life.
..and you probably went into your job interview all sweaty, too, huh? I'm glad you responded to this, because i started to feel like i overreacted and got irrationally insulted. thank you for understanding.
Tracy:"and slammed my door against the other car as hard as i could, several, several times! " I stand by my post. on the intentionally hitting the car part. Those are your words sharon. I believe we need to create understanding through education. KARA I wasn't trying to shame anyone intentionally. I guess honestly I have worked so hard my whole life with and for people with disabilities........to hear...read that I snaped. I thought we were all on the same team. consider me done and ...sorry:-(
tracy, i don't think anyone wants you to be "done". but you talk about understanding each other and being on the same team, yet it doesn't seem that you're trying to "understand" where i was that day, emotionally. i agree with kara, there's no way for us to be successful in every role that we would like to fulfill. we can't be educators, etc., and still live our normal lives day to day. there are only so many hours in the day, and a lot of us have jobs, families, errands, etc, that we don't necessarily have time to get involved in being a part of a "mission to educate". i think that sometimes it's okay to get mad, and to want AB's to be a little more understanding and conscious of their surroundings without us having to hold their hands every step of the way.
Daisies:I´m thinking it´s next to impossible to damage other cars by slamming one´s door against the other, because cars are built so that the curve of the door hits the rubber or plastic trim that runs alongside most cars. I often had to push my door against the other car, to really push to make it stay open, because it´s quite a bit of work to get a chair in while holding the door open. And the only damage done is to my own door. Which I really regret. The other should get the mark, not my car on top of it all. Daisies
plus, car's are made now where most of the parts are plastic or something that aren't easily damaged.
