Last post Sun, Apr 20 2008 12:32 AM by teresaprice1. 21 replies.
Life as a teenager with a major mental disorder was tough. When I was 16 years old (when I was in Junior Year of high school), I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder. At other times I was classified as a paranoid schizophrenic. All of the sudden after I broke up with my first girlfriend, I was having grand delusions and auditory hallucinations that I was the center of attention with all of the beautiful women in my school. It is pretty sad, but I remmeber more clearly breaking up with her on Febuary 12th, 2004, more than I can remember what day our first date was. I believed in telepathy. At first it felt pretty good. I even started seriously debating if I was a God. Around that time, I started acting out these conversations that I had with the voices, and talked to myself during class, and literally 24/7. I had "communication sessions" where I would spend sometimes as many as 8 hours after school and on a school night talking with these voices. To me, however pathetic it was, it felt like all fun and games.
Then, all the sudden it started turning dark, ugly, and deeply terrifiying. It changed my life forever. I started beleiving that I was possessed by the Devil. I believed that everybody was incriminating me and attacking me, and that I was evil. My maturity level dropped down dramatically to an infantile level, where I was making cutsy noises as a way to get attention. I became temporarily incontinent.
thought I was suicidal at times. My moods were as erratic as my thoughts and my behavior. It created problems between my family members and I. My sister even lost a couple friends over my mental illness.
A whole lot of people hated me because of my strange behavior beginning when I first started becoming psychotic and manic
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After three and a half years of suffering, I am 21 years old. Being heavily medicated, more mature, and in therapy for several years, I am very seldomly ill. My psychiatrist has even started decreasing my medication for the first time, because of my excellent condition and progress. While I am still prescribed more than the maximum FDA approved dose of Seroqeul, as well as Abilty, Lamictal, and Trileptal, I have accomplished a lot. I am a supervisor at a Walgreens pharmacy. I am studying to be a pharmacy technician. I have a girlfriend, am living on my own, and a very independent lifestyle.
Living with a major mental illness can be tough. But one thing that people need to keep in mind is that with perseverance, one can accomplish anything- even releive symptoms of Paranoid Schizophrenia.
Wow, Alex, that's an amazing and inspiring story. Welcome to disaboom.
"People who think rape is about sex confuse the weapon with the motivation."Alice Vachss
Alex,
Congratulations to you and thank you so much for sharing your story. I think it gives many hope that it is possible for some semblence of recovery.
My 14 yr old daughter had a psychotic break in Sept 2007. Her current diagnosis is schizophreniform but I'm told that if she continues to have auditory and visual hallucinations it may change to paranoid schizophrenia. She has been hospitalized 3 times and currently we are just one step away from hospitalization. She hears voices that tell her to "hurt herself and others". That's exactly how she puts it. She claims they don't tell her specifically how to "hurt herself and others" but she says it scares her. She also hears voices that repeat her name over and over and she "sees" people who are no longer in her life. She says the voices don't follow her to the hospital when she does go to the hospital because "the voices know that I will tattle on them so they aren't with me at the hospital". She has had 2 medication changes since her last hospitalization, but they seem to have no effect on her. She still has the hallucinations. Since becoming ill she has also become quite infantile. When she passes gas she grunts, so as to announce it. If those around her ignore this, she says "oooooh baby". This is constant. She also lies all the time, steals food (her meds make her hungry) and argues constantly. She will be stealing food in the kitchen (we hear her chewing potato chips) and while she still has the food in her mouth she insists she is not eating anything. Before becoming ill she talked about becoming a special education teacher. Her elective in 8th grade was special education assistant. Now all she talks about is becoming a professional athlete. This from a girl who has tried twice unsuccessfully to join her school's basketball team. She failed miserably. She just recently went back to school. We had an IEP meeting and she was approved to attend a therapeutic day school. With the last hospitalization she also had mania. She talked so fast she could not be understood. The mania seems to be under control somewhat with depakote. She also takes Geodon which has now been increased twice since her last hospitalization. She also takes ativan for anxiety and trazedone to help her sleep. She is no longer self sufficient. She cannot get up for school on her own and she needs us to constantly stay on her to make sure she doesn't miss the school bus. Her psychiatrist is talking about possibly switching to lithium which scares me.
Rosemary
Response by Tom Weiss deleted due to Disaboom Censorship. I would rather censor myself.
Thanks for you story, Alex. Keep on keeping on. My oldest sister is paranoid schizophrenic. She's never admitted to hearing voices, but at her worst, she was convinced that a former psychologist and her boss were watching her and had camera and listening devices in the house. She is better now with the meds that's she's on and is working part-time as an aide at a nursing home and then part time at Target. I'm so glad she's able to function. For so many years, she was on a roller coaster with her meds. But she is the absolutely best gift giver to her neices and nephews. Somehow she instictively knows the toy that my daughter and son will play with the most. She's also so very gentle with littles, and is great with animals too. She is a great aide. I've seen her in action and she is very gentle and patient with the little old people that she works with.
Tom:
I agree with you wholeheartedly about the separation of mind and body. It is unbelievable to me that we are still holding on to the Cartesian separation as if the two could possibly be separated. I think it is also in part due to ideas of the soul and an afterlife. Anyway, I hope we're getting better and moving away from this thinking.
Liesl
Tom,
I am so sad to hear about your library! I can imagine how hard that was for you because it would also be hard for me. Right now most of my books are packed and this house feels a bit empty without them. Yet, I still have four bookshelves full! LOL! I have actually considered writing a book on the problems of Cartesian duality in the modern era. This is how far I've gotten: I bought a Latin to English dictionary and a Latin work book to brush up on it so that I can do my own translation. Oy. Someday, maybe.
I'm glad we have continued to converse, too. I get having bad days.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and WELCOME to Disaboom....I work with adolescents-many just beginning their journey with severe menal illness- and your words bring me hope! Sometimes it's hard that I see them during their darkest days only (when they are hospitalized/inpatient) but I know that many will go on to do great things:-) I can't put into words how glad I am that you've joined us and hope you will stay! If you need anything or have questions, please don't hesitate to let me know.
~Kara
Hi Everyone..when my 26 yr old son was 12 he was diagnosed as ParanoidSchizophenic. Last April I had to have been hospitalized via court order. It BROKE MY HEART to have to take those steps in order to help him, but he refused to hospitalize himself or get any type of help. He has been diagnosed as Manic-Bipolar, he was first taking RISPERDONE and CELEXA and I didn't see a very big change in his behavior, now he is on ABILIFY, only and it seems to be working...for now. He is embarrassed by his disorder and won't read any of the posts on here about the disorder , i don't push him but have put it out there that the extra support is here for him if he should feel he needs. I, as his mom am proud of the progress he has made and give him all the support he needs. He has even enrolled at our Community College here in my town and is working towards a trade and building a future for himself.
This isn't my first experience with dealing with a family member with mental illness. My ex-husband, my daughter's father had a psychotic break 7 years ago while we were still together, and most recently in June last year. I continue to have to deal with his issues just by virtue of the fact that I have to deal with him for child support and his visitation.
What I didn't mention in my previous post that in addition to having to deal with my daughter's illness I also have health issues of my own and have been on disability since September.
It's hard having dealt with this before, knowing that the daughter that I knew before is basically gone. I miss her. I know it is possible for her condition to improve, but I know that she will never go back to being the person she was before she became ill. I saw that with my ex-husband. His condition has improved, but he still cannot work. He has made attempts, but they are usually short-lived.
I just have so many more concerns for her. It's not just that she hears the voices and sees things. She has no filter. She tells anyone and everyone that she meets all about her illness. And I do mean EVERYONE. Before she started at the therapeutic school she was with me 24/7. I would take her with me to my physical therapy appointments because I could not leave her home alone. She would wait in the waiting room and watch television or nap while I was in the gym. Many times I would come back from my appointment and catch her talking to strangers in the waiting room. I would ask her what she talked about and she basically told them everything about her illness. A few times I caught her in mid-conversation and heard it for myself. I told her on more than one occassion if someone asks you why you aren't in school, you politely say that you are home schooled, you don't need to tell them why. Needless to say this falls on deaf ears. I'm concerned for her safety. I don't know what I can go more to make her understand that it's not appropriate, nor is it safe to tell strangers these things. She has no concept of stranger danger.
