Last post Mon, Aug 04 2008 11:11 AM by Buttoncat. 25 replies.
My fiancee Shane is 30. He was injured at the age of 16 by a school bully who sucker-punched him during his gym class. After class, Shane began throwing up and the school sent him home, assuming he had the flu. (The teacher denied seeing anything, and none of the classmates wanted to snitch, so no one in Shane's family knew he'd been hit.) Shane's dad picked him up and drove him home to put him in bed. When his mother went to wake him a couple hours later, she couldn't wake him up and he was taken to the local hospital. They had no idea what was wrong. When he started to have seizures, they life-flighted him to a larger hospital.
While there, he has more seizures and they began to suspect a head injury. When this bully punched him, he fractured his skull, bursting an artery. His skull was literally filling up with blood. This caused him to have a stroke and need surgery. Shane then spent a month in a coma. When he woke from that, he was like a newborn baby. He had to learn how to walk, talk, everrrrrything all over again. He spent 7 months in hospitals and rehabs. When he first went home, he was in a wheelchair, then used a walker, then a cane. He still uses a cane today, mostly due to balance issues. Most of the damage his injury caused was physical and not mental.
The guy who punched him NEVER apologized. NEVER paid any of his bills, and got NO punishment. Needless to say, this has left Shane with a lot of anger and resentment towards him. Shane tries to be the bigger man and not let it get to him, but he has many bad days where he can't help it. I can totally understand that, but at the same time, I have no idea how to calm him down and make him feel better over things like that. I hate to see him get upset, as it makes me feel hopeless as well.
I know God spared Shane for a reason. I know that bully will one day have to answer for what he's done.
Shane and I have our first baby on the way and I want him to realize how blessed he is and shift all his focus to that! Any thoughts or insight any of you can share, I would appreciate. Look forward to getting to know you all!
Maryann
Congratulations on the baby! Has Shane ever tried to contact the bully? It could be that the guy doesn't know how to apologize and would benefit from it, as well. It might be hard, but perhaps he could contact him and tell him he is still suffering from the effects of the punch and he needs some closure. If the guy is an ass, Shane will know that what was done was done for no reason other than the disfunction of another human being. Maybe that would be help depersonalize it? On the other hand, if the guy sincerely apologizes it might help him forgive and move on.
"It's not just about Obama is a young black man, and McCain is an old white guy."Shelley!
What you are feeling is perfectly normal. I'd worry if you DIDN'T feel this way, as the stupid actions of one bully changed your husband's life forever. The cane and any other mobility aid is a constant reminder. And by now, I am sure the statute of limitations has run out to sue the bully.
I've thought the same things some times. I still relive moments when I realized had "so and so" done this, or not done that, I may be nnormal, but all I was doing was spinning my wheels (literally as well as figuritivley) We can't turn back time, ever. I've also wished the people responsible for letting me get this bad would understand what thier actions or lack of ended up costing me. I once saw one of my neurosurgeons in a market and as soon as he realized who I was, he quickly turned down another aisle.
But I no longer really waste time thinking about what could have been, instead, I deal with what I must now. It takes way too much out of me to worry or fret over something I can't change. Enjoy your baby, your husband, your life and don't worry about revenge or retributuion. Believe me, the man responsible, as well as the people who did nothing to help, have a nice healthy dose of Karma coming thier way. If not in this life, maybe in the next.
Congrats on the baby again! Wow, such a terrible thing to happen to your husband. Has he ever thouht of writing his thoughts down, either a blog or discussion in here or just in a diary? I know that since I have been coming on here, I feel better about a lot of things. I agree with Liesl though, writing a letter to the bully, even if the bully never answers back, may satisfy his need for revenge and retribution. I don't blame him at all for feeling that way, but he needs to move on now. A counselor might help with some of these issues too. Good luck to you both.
Thanks so much for the replies, all! I do appreciate them!
The guy who punched him knows exactly how Shane feels and still feels no remorse. He still picks fights with people, and is still a waste of human life in general, I'm afraid.
I actually wrote him a letter about a year ago, telling him all the things HE is reponsible and ruined and made difficult, etc. and we never got a reply. He really is just an evil little man. And I tell Shane all the time that God will make it right. I just know that's not a huge comfort in the here and now sometimes.
I'm going to encourage Shane to come to this site too. I just found it today and I love it! What a great place of support and knowledge!
Thanks again everyone! :)
Ugh, I hate to hear about people like that. Hey, he'll die alone and afraid, unlike people like your fiance. If he does come to the site, please tell him to introduce himself. He's welcome here!
Liesl: Ugh, I hate to hear about people like that. Hey, he'll die alone and afraid, unlike people like your fiance. If he does come to the site, please tell him to introduce himself. He's welcome here!
IF someone doesn't decide to take law into their own hands and kill him first. It's happened before. I'm a big believer in Karma, and this bully will get his.
I do hope he joins us, I recently found this place and I love it. The people are wonderful! Especially Becky, my bud. ;-)
You know, I tell Shane the same thing all the time. I tell him eventually that jerk's luck is gonna run out and he's going to mess with the wrong guy and get his...
And sorry if it makes me a horrible person, but I think that would be a wonderful thing. The world doesn't need people like him...
Hey Shimas, thanks for the kind word. So he's a little guy eh? That explains a lot, LMS or Little Man Syndrome. Of course, not a documented disease, but I've known lots of little guys like that who have to prove themselves. What goes around, comes around. He will get his someday, not soon enough though. Hang in there, be as supportive as you can be. It will be a hard road and I hopes he doesn't experience too many bumps. Take care of you and that baby!
Maryann,
I can relate to your fiance's situation somewhat. I was severely shaken by my father when I was fur months ld. This left me with multiple disabilities. My father was never punished for shaking me. I'm 31 years old now and still have my moments. I'll never see or walk. I have limited hand control. I also have spasms in my arms and legs. I could go on and on about the things that I can't do but I'd rather focus on the things that I can do. I'm thankful I have my intellegence. I'm also thankful to have my computer with the screen reading software. can't change what happened to me but I can speak out about the dangers of shaking a baby. I use my pain to educate others. I understand that not everyone can do that but it is an idea. Hang in there.
Jessie
Wow, Jessie, you have an amazing attitude. Did you ever forgive your father?
HI MARYANN CONGRATS ON THE BABY ! YES THAT WAS A VERY SAD STORY INDEED ~ MY BEST WISHES GO OUT TO YOU AND FAMILY ! YOUR BABY IS A GIFT FROM ABOVE , MAY SHANE SHOW THIS CHILD WHAT A WONDERFUL MAN HE IS ! RAINEY XO
PLEASE KEEP US UPDATED ON THE BIRTH OF THE BABY !!!!!!! RAINEY
hey all! thanks for the great input, everyone. just wanted to let you guys know i had a baby boy on june 16th! i'll try to update sooon!! his name is caden michael and he's a joy! :)
