Last post Tue, May 20 2008 12:29 AM by John H. Pieper. 27 replies.
I have spent one whole week really enjoying my search from the Yahoo website that brought me to Disaboom. In all sincerity, and it seems naiivity, I thought I would be amongst others who understood and could discuss issues that were similar AND different to my own. It seems a huge barrier exists between the acceptable in one country to another.
4 days ago, I had what I thought was a great time in the chat room discussion forum. It did get somewhat out of hand with sexual banter being misconstrude by some as smut. There it goes again! One mans pleasure certainly is another's poison. I behaved no differently than virtually all other members that afternoon and evening and thoroughly enjoyed the link for Loud City.....all like children in a playground having a great time!! Albeit that the sexual undertones were not so 'under'! There was nothing strictly offensive said to anyone, just the knowledge of adults and the adult world being played out in words and suggestions. It was seemingly reported as abuse of the site terms and conditions and I was VERY upset to find that the email I had received suggesting I should delete my profile turned out to be a hoax. I feel strongly that the Moderators should look into this type of happening.
Since that day, another heated discussion took place about religion. After some comments, you could absolutely NOT miss that some members were becoming enraged because of their own beliefs and at this point I 'opted out'. I have visited the chat rooms since and I am almost in fear of saying the wrong thing to anyone now. I do come back purely because at a time when I feel I could have got no lower in myself, I found Disaboom! Then all the politics and red tape began. Call me naiive but I just hadn't expected the ignoring reaction I now face with other members since those days I mention above. I stupidly considered those who have or have undergone disabling parts of their existence would somehow face each other with a no holes barred attitude of community rather than biggotry!
I perhaps should have expected the zealots towards all arenas of which life is made up. If I offended anyone, that was NEVER my intention. I have therefore decided that Disaboom, whilst a fantastic idea, does not offer enough support to its members by way of legislating its Terms and Conditions to prevent the idea of freedom of speech versus the thoughts towards 'abuse' in all its connotations and forms. A hard line to take or to draw but having now been excluded to what I thought was going to be a joyous beginning in my life, albeit a choice I have made, I now feel that with noone to call informed friends in honesty and sharing that I must reside myself to the fact that Disaboom is not the place to go.
Upset and depleted, confused and disheartened.
Dawn
Sorry you feel this way. This is one reason I don't use the chat room. *LOL* IMO, I think allowing any kind of sexually-charged discussions on the site is going to cause problems one way or another. It's fine to have a "free for all" place like chat, but people who take advantage of it should also understand that it's not as tightly moderated/controlled as the discussion boards are and that feelings can and do get hurt.
Seriously, no matter where you go, unless you are on a forum specific to one point of view, you're always going to have conflicts about 1) politics, and 2) religion. That's why all the etiquette books out there say to stay away from those topics. *LOL*
I guess I have a thick skin. I basically state my opinion if I feel it's worth stating in a situation, and if someone disagrees with me, that's fine. Opinions are like rectums - everyone pretty much has one. *LOL*
I hope you'll give Disaboom another chance, because overall, it is a good place to be.
hello dawn, i read your info, i suffer from depression, stress anxiety attacks, i have ddd, need a right knee replacement, don't trive due to my eye sight. i am 54, and would love to have some one to chat with, home bound at times is the pits. my e=mail is thewanderer6835@yahoo.com. you are welcome to visit for any reason. espectfully, erika simpson hang in there. i am searching to communicate myself, and would be greatful to have you as my guess, i could use a friend........
Yes Dawn there were major problems in the chat room. it used to be warm welcoming and supportive. Recently an abusive member of the chat room was banned. She had been a problem for awhile and it took alot of complaints and transcript material for the Admin. to take these steps. She had disrupted the very nature of the chat Room. We still have a member that insists on talking sexual on the chat. This is suppose be limited to the dating chat. Then you wouldn't have to be bothered by that nonsence and also we have young people like thirteen that come on the main chat. The offender has been told 5 times by me that the Disaboom policy is that it belongs in the dating chat room. She refuses to move it there "No Audience" I assume. So again the disabom Admin needs to step in and make it clear again what the policy is and warn or band that person. See then you could come back because the negative elements would be gone. If admin doesn't know who this person is they can email me. Its pretty obvious. Don't give up yet Dawn!!! There are a whole bunch of really good people here that will be there for you!
I am one of those people and I go by Z on the chat room zgailgoodman for my profile. I've been a member since Nov 19,2007 so I have some history here.I would say give disabom another try and if the sexual stuff is going on in main chat email the admin with the names. There is one person who is the instigator. I suspect we will be getting even younger visitors so this is important. And the banning I mentioned just went into affect so give the chat room time to get back to the great place it can be, If you see my name by all means intoduce yourself. Thats how we usually start out by saying age/location/male or female and disability. you can find friends here! I so appreciate your writing and its good for the administration to know whats going on. You could have just left but I think you cared enough to write the topic. You are the kind of people we need in disaboom. I hope in lieu of the recent banning of the bad apple that you'll try disaboom again. In Sisterhood,Gail And I hope admin will solve this other problem. You are not the only one fed up with it,many people leave the room when it starts and go to chat room #2.What good is a good policy to protect young disaboomers if it isn't enforced?
Thank you for your input madnumbler. I think one the occasions that I have been in the chat room I have seen your name there perhaps only once. I take your point and indeed it made me giggle. I have enjoyed some of the 'grown up' discussions I have had about others and myself and how we all can learn little bits from eachother. I do think that it is a shame that at the first 'hurdle' I have been labelled. I probably have the more serious side to me that is much more prevalent than the one displayed on the day in question and that is why the 'fun' I thought was taking place was invaluable....light in the seeming darkness if you get my drift?
Perhaps foolishly, I have deleted all the details and pictures on my profile purely because I invited the 'wrong sort' of attention. I can't believe that at my age I have been so naiive! I considered the picture of tatoo as art, my strongest forte and interest. Unfortunately for me it has been my undoing here at Disaboom in probable record time!! To my opinion, it had been a tasteful picture, not showing 'all' in the slightest yet construde that way be some and then reported for indecency!
Do you know, I have always steered clear of the internet and chat rooms for this very reason and I fully take your point that my parents also stated (as I said before I departed the chat room on the religious conversation) that I had always been taught that there were 3 things one must never enter into discussions about, 1) sex, 2) politics and 3) religion and at this point I left the forum. It's a pity I didn't consider this when the 'laughing and joking' was going on about the adult type conversation. Not a mistake I intend to make again lightly!! Certainly, I must have upset others, and indeed so must others have upset the same people that day but I genuinely did not mean ANY offense to anyone.
I, like you have perhaps plenty to reconsider with regard to the site and its main mission of operation and existence. I think that I ought to consider the possibility that my involvement that day had much to do with subsequent happenings and that as long as I stick to the proper adult themed pages in the discussion boards (which was always what I was actually seeking anyway) that I would find what I was actually looking for in the first place.
Thank you for your comments. It has been throughout the typing of my answer to them that you have given me the space to actually reconsider my decision.
Take Care and Thank You Once Again Madnumbler
Hello Erika
I reside in London, Ontario Canada. Got your email off of the disaboom site, hope you don't mind me writting to you. I suffer from Lupus--in other words pain. I also feel left alone, especially during the holidays. I don't have many friends that keep in touch, the ones that do usually write on the pc. I wish you hope for the things you need help with. I also invite others to write as I have put now 3 ads on a site powered by fijiji. I also have joined 3 other groups but have had very few answers back. Take care write if you wish. Kelly (petparent)
Hello Dawn, my name is Kelly(petparent)
I read your blogg about religion and sex. I don't interact with those topics myself, they are too judgemental. The group I visit with in disaboom is the general chatroom. This seems to be a good group. If anyone gets out of hand they are dealt with. I used to belong to a group from London Ontario, they often got out of hand whether it be in person at the twice a week get togethers or in the chatroom thats why I was cautious when starting out in other rooms.
Please feel free to email me if you wish to chat at kelly_boone_108@hotmail.com. I will reply. Until then, have a nice weekend. Kelly (petparent)
hello Z, between the virtual immediate responses that I am getting to this post I thank you all very very much. Most often it is when we are at our genuine lowest that the right words spring from the right people. Like I said in my post to madnumbler, I too was at fault that day. I haven't had ANYONE at all to laugh with in 2 years. My family all live abroad and I do not fit into the school 'clicks' because of my inability to get my own children to school. Yet another long battle to which, coupled with other challenging things like a violent divorce, homelessness and further surgery as a single mum of 4 young children. That one day I did not stop smiling. Adult company you see, or at least at that moment...that's what it was to me....freedom...adults...company and understanding. I even apologised for the one mild explitive I had used and if I offended anyone that I had meant no harm. The problem is I too find it and insulting thing to be speaking about on a daily basis...yet I had fallen momentarily into that trap. For the trouble it has caused me and my usual demeanour being overlooked or not given chance I cannot believe I have been so silly has feel as if I had brought on myself...yet I was definitely not the only one that day. It seemed everyone was just having a little tongue in cheek fun and dancing to the radio affiliated with the site.
I have always only wanted the kind of friendships and genuine discussions and support that it seems (nearly) everyone wants from this site and in anticipation of this I am to take yours and madnumbler's comments on board and doing some rethinking. My only problem with this is the fact that I appear to have been black-listed by most of the regulars with whom I joined in that fateful day.
For this I do not know what to do except to say that the kind offer by yourself and others like you, with your acceptance and permission will become the very people I set out to find.
Thank you Erika for your support. I hope we can support eachother. I sympathise with your predicament. In the depression stakes I can gel with you wholeheartedly. I would be glad to help in any way possible. This is the very reason I joined this site in essense. No man walks alone and nor should we. I will respectfully help and thank you most sincerely for your current support. With little wells of tears of gratitude to yourself and others today in my eyes, I thank you all.
I have found a great deal of benefit from Disaboom. I have also experienced some very hurtful negativity for some of my points of view, and in those instances, on the Bulletin Board, I now simply withdraw from the discussion. I do not use the chat room at all. I find that posting on the Bulletin Board when I think I can be helpful or have a strong opinion, blogging when I feel the need to express myself, and responding to other people's blogs with either support, or polite disagreement, are all good experiences for me. The Health and Living sections have also provided some very interesting information for me. The Bulletin Board has given me information on equipement, medication, other web sites and more.
In other words, not every section of the site may be useful to you, but many can be very helpful. I would encourage you to use this as you would a library--go to the sections where you are comfortable and can make contact, and ignore that which makes you uncomfortable. Good luck! Bonnie
The problem with the chat room is that a power struggle to control it is underway. Gail you are a part of that struggle. As a woman I hate to have to admit this seems to be just one more cat fight in a world of cat fights. It sux and some people need to just pull up their big girl panties and get on with life. A chat room is nothing more than a diversion anyway so don't sweat the small stuff. Say your piece and then ignore people who get on your last nerve.
By the way there are teen agers who frequent that chat room so the its all among consenting adults if a moot point.
Do you know it wasn't until that day that I even understood or realised that there are teenagers using the site. I hadnt bothered myself in my anticipation of finding newness and friends that I bothered to even consider the possibility. I know, it doesn't seem even worth contemplating a statement like that...but I assure you it is true. To the one 16 yr old present that day, I did immediately apologise. I would love to say that forewarned is forearmed, but I cannot do that now! It would be like asking me to shut the gate after the horse has bolted. But, in reply to your message beakerless, I do now and like I said, I apologise if I offended anyone.
I am, however going to continue in the places of interest, my whole reason for joining and I do nonetheless appreciate all input, critical or otherwise, so thank you.
I'm not being critical of you with the comment on teenagers dawn. It was just a statement of fact and as for you continuing to be a member here I think my email to you should explain that I agree you shouldn't leave here. As for the grudges that are held by the chatroom regulars well they are the ones I was suggesting need to pull up their big girl panties. Enough is enough and the ongoing war is about as stupid as someone wearing tin foil on their head to get better tv reception.
So stick around Dawn and like I said before say your piece when you need to and just don't pay attention to or respond to the stupid stuff. I let myself get sucked into some of this because there were some racist and other discrimminatory comments made in the past. All bets are off now though because this whole situation has been taken to a level that is beyond childish and petty but you can bet your bottom dollar I ain't leaving. Life is too short dawn to throw the baby out with the bathwater and Disaboom is an environment long overdue for those of us who struggle to function in a world that is neither conveniant or welcoming to use for the most part.
So see you in chat I hope and when all else fails and your patience is worn thin in there do silly stuff like throw lard or get out your can of silly string. One can show others that you don't like their behavior without saying nasty things, calling names or cutting them down.
You made me laugh lots. Thanks....and incidentally...in a world that's hard enough already without all this rubbish....I hear that!!
I remember seeing you in the chat the other night while I was there, Dawn. I teach Sunday School, and am prety conservative, so I'm not always comfortable when the talk becomes too explicit. I can kid around with the best of them, but try to keep my jokes below the blue radar, so to speak, with the occasional innuendo that can be taken a couple of different ways. I usually mention that I teach Sunday School when I go into a chat, so that others might take the hint that I don't do explicit chats. I'm usually cautious of what I say, because, as I mentoned to someone there, many general discussion boards are considered "Family Boards," chats where minors are permitted and, therefore, conversations should be kept "clean." Not sure if any of the folks I was chatting with were the person who was banned, but if they were being explicit, I was probably either ignoring the more explicit stuff or trying to joke it off and turn it to another subject. But, don't give up on chat just because of a few folks that are disruptive. Chat can be great fun, and a good way to meet other folks here, and a nice place just to talk about your day and such. It's an important tool, especially if you are homebound, so that you can "get out into the world" among other people, and not feel isolated and alone. I really hope I do see you there again next time I get a chance to chat with everybody!
hugs from ducky
