Last post Thu, Jul 03 2008 8:32 by Norma Carroll. 5 replies.
Hey, I'm 21 and just starting to hit the 'bar scene", but find that it's a little too permiscuice (spell check on that) for my liking. I've had relationships in the past, but it seems like I hold onto them for too long at times. I've never had a relationship that lasted less than a year. And while I take pride in my past attempts, it seems like it's ten times harder in my more mature years.
I mean, I know I have to account for the maturatily level of older people and that physical attraction is a factor, but I see myself as a failrly attractive young man. I've always used my disability as more of an opener than something to avoid talking about. And in the past, it seemed that that was the way to go about meeting women, but that change has got me a little tangled.
On another point, while the relationships that I <i>have</i> had, lasted a substancial amount of time, when it ends, I go just as long without a sugnificant other.
Any help would be nice.
Thanks,
~Tom
There have been a couple of threads on here dicussing this similar topic. If you go back you'll likely find them and the plethora of answers they generated. I wanted, as always, to put my two cents in.
It doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. There are lots of people, disabled or not, that can't say they've had multiple long term relationships (long term = lasting more than a few months). I personally don't think bars are the greatest way of finding a long term mate, but that's not to say people haven't. I'm a huge fan of going along, living your life, doing what you want to do, and love will come. I believe that because that's how I met my husband. I was going to school, moved in with my best friend, and playing Everquest when I met his avatar. Now I'm also going to say that Everquest and other such games are NOT even the best places to meet someone but in our case it was just the place in common we had that allowed us to meet. Keep going to school, work, church, activities you find enjoyable and by keeping yourself open to the idea, love will come.
As far a disability and sexual attraction, much like any other aspect of your physcial person or your personality, different things appeal to different people. The disability does skew the balance a little bit because there's still so much ignorance and fear when it comes to disability but not everyone views it that way. My husband found me sexy from day one, but I've also ran into lots of other men who found everything about my disability a huge turn off. I guess its a good thing I thought my husband was dead sexy too.
I would say keep on keeping on.
When I was young and "looking" I never found the kind of people worth finding. When I started not looking but living, I ran into all sorts of great people for both friendship and romance. Do the things you enjoy and go to the places that like minded people hang out at. Looking for love in a bar is not in my opinion a good place to look.
welcome ! join us in the chatroom and make some new friends ~~~~~~~~~ rainey xo
