Last post Thu, May 08 2008 11:17 AM by Chipster. 48 replies.
PEOPLE HAVE SAID TO YOU DUE TO YOUR DISABILITY ?
I agree Kara,
This is a confusing poll but let me say, I'm not going to vote Republican.
hmmmmmmmm
i'm not sure how to make it anymore clearer .. but
what is the stupidest thing anyone has ever said b/c you have a disability ..
and kara .. YES you got it right !!
when i was pregnant .. and i worked like 15 hour days .. i'd call my husband during my 1 1/2 dinner hour ..
when i got off the phone .. a girl on my team said to me .. does it hurt?
i said does what hurt?
she said sex
i said what you mean?
she said sex with your husband ..
i said what? you think he sexually hurts me?
no sex with him doesn't hurt its great ..
i THEN wanted to say to her .. why? does your husband sexually abuse you? should i call 911?
why do people think they have the RIGHT to say WHAT-EVER-THE -FREAK they freakin want?
Well I was born with partial hearing and visual but everybody notice my disfigurement on the right side. We I was younger kids and adults would as "Why is your face like that? When I say the I was born this way they would look totally stupid and confuse But when I change it and say "I was in a fire" They seem to except that Dujh..
Another one was when I said that I was born this way, People would actually tire to be doctors saying "did your mother smoke or father drink? Can they get any stupider...
lol, wow. You know, no one has ever given me a conclusive indication that "I was born this way" is a valid explanation for my CP. They seem convinced that something more must have happened. Maybe I should say "oxygen deprivation while being born" more often.
I would have to say that the day I was rolled into an exam room for further x-rays and the technician said, "Just use your good leg to stand on and get on the table for me." Um, both of my legs were busted up pretty bad and this was all clearly stated in my medical file which the woman happened to be holding at the time.
Personally, I can't stand the word 'stupid' so I rarely use it but I had immediately thought, "Omg, are you serious?! Isn't part of your job to know what your patients injuries are?" There was no way I could possibly stand and I felt very angry that she hadn't done her job a little better and double checked my file to see that it was impossible for me to stand at all.
Although many people say things that seem insensitive, I believe it stems from their not actually experiencing what I go through themselves. Most people don't spend time thinking about how much more trouble it is to use the restroom when you can't walk. Or how much more trouble it is to attempt to use the stove without burning yourself. Or even how hard it is to get dressed since you can no longer step into your breeches like you used to. And most of all, I really do not believe that others understand the level of pain I endure on a daily basis.
I used to be that way. If it didn't pertain to me, I rarely took the time to truly focus on the needs of another. (i.e. Not saying anything to a person who obviously was not handicapped but was using a handicapped parking space, not paying attention to obstacles in front of public restrooms, etc.) Don't get me wrong, I did do my best to be "helpful" by dealing with things that seemed blatantly obvious to me like removing debrise from a roadway so another wouldn't be in an accident, opening doors, getting something from a high location for someone in a wheelchair, etc. But I had not spent time actually thinking about the everyday tasks that disabled folks must adjust to and how I could make their lives easier.
I am human after all and not capable of knowing everything about everything. Like so many others, if it's not directly affecting my small world, I have a tendency to overlook it because it is not exactly as high a priority as paying the rent, finding a job, buying groceries, etc. I don't think I was doing or saying 'stupid' things. I do think I was very uneducated when it came to the needs of those with disabilities though. Even though my words/actions were based on a desire to help another, my lack of knowledge could easily be portrayed as "stupidity" in some cases.
SDn .. while your point IS well taken .. its a little different than someone coming up to you and THINKING they have the RIGHT to ask you about your SEX life .. THAT TRULY IS STUPID .. its not the same as your'e talking .. its not QUITE the same as when people JUST COME UP BEHIND ME .. GRAB MY HANDLES ON THE BACK OF MY CHAIR .. AND JUST START PUSHING .. no "hello" no "do you need help" sometimes they SAY (while grabbing my handle bars) "here let me help you"
your help is not warranted .. i didn't ask for your help .. shall i just come up to you and start pushing you around .. yes this kind of thing is uneducated ..
but another STUPID thing ...
i get SO SICK AND FREAKIN TIRED of people thinking they are being CUTE or funny or WHATEVER and say to me CONSTANTLY .. "watch my toes"
usually i just IGNORE it .. for all my life i've heard .. watch my toes ..
one day at work .. this lady said that WHILE CROWDING into MY space .. i was at the counter first and she's leaning over me from behind .. and says "watch my toes"
i said .. who's toes are they? she said mine .. i said oh well then don't you think you should be watching them?
vietitali:SDn .. while your point IS well taken .. its a little different than someone coming up to you and THINKING they have the RIGHT to ask you about your SEX life .. THAT TRULY IS STUPID .. its not the same as your'e talking .. its not QUITE the same as when people JUST COME UP BEHIND ME .. GRAB MY HANDLES ON THE BACK OF MY CHAIR .. AND JUST START PUSHING .. no "hello" no "do you need help" sometimes they SAY (while grabbing my handle bars) "here let me help you" your help is not warranted .. i didn't ask for your help .. shall i just come up to you and start pushing you around .. yes this kind of thing is uneducated .. but another STUPID thing ... i get SO SICK AND FREAKIN TIRED of people thinking they are being CUTE or funny or WHATEVER and say to me CONSTANTLY .. "watch my toes" usually i just IGNORE it .. for all my life i've heard .. watch my toes .. one day at work .. this lady said that WHILE CROWDING into MY space .. i was at the counter first and she's leaning over me from behind .. and says "watch my toes" i said .. who's toes are they? she said mine .. i said oh well then don't you think you should be watching them?
Vietitali,
I mean no disrespect towards you or others who hold your viewpoint but I am wondering why it is that you do not see each of these instances as opportunities to educate the able bodied world? As I stated earlier, people do not think about things outside of their own small worlds unless someone or something manages to enlighten them and expand it a tad bit. Plant a seed...
Perhaps you could have said, "I don't feel that is any of your business." to the person inquiring of your sex life. That would have stopped the sitaution right there before anyone became angry. It surely would have put the person in an uncomfortable and rather awkward spot, don't you think? Plant a seed...
Your anger about being pushed around without asking for it, is certainly warranted. After all, a good number of people don't have a clue what they are doing or how bad they could injure someone in a chair when they start pushing us around. It's ultimately a ticking time bomb. If I can not get someone to stop before they start or shortly after, I will certainly get the attention of another and make a bit of a scene so that the offending party will turn me loose. Plant a seed...
At that time, I will take the golden opportunity to express just how dangerous their actions had been to my wellbeing in a few brief sentences. I've noticed with using this technique, a rare few will become offended and huff off. The majority of people will adjust their behavior and retain the information for future reference. Plant a seed....of knowledge.
Wishing you the best,
Ms. Jessie
"We'll if we just got rid of that wheelchair youd have to walk." I use crutches most of the time I only use my chair at home because you cant really carry stuff on crutches. I have figured out that i can carry a beer.
SDnative111: I mean no disrespect towards you or others who hold your viewpoint but I am wondering why it is that you do not see each of these instances as opportunities to educate the able bodied world? As I stated earlier, people do not think about things outside of their own small worlds unless someone or something manages to enlighten them and expand it a tad bit. Plant a seed... Perhaps you could have said, "I don't feel that is any of your business." to the person inquiring of your sex life. That would have stopped the sitaution right there before anyone became angry. It surely would have put the person in an uncomfortable and rather awkward spot, don't you think? Plant a seed...
The problem with trying to "educate some people" or to try and "plant a seed" is that from time to time I have the misfortune to encounter people who have rocks in their heads.
I think the most asinine thing someone ever said to me - and I didn't even know what it meant until I talked with a friend - was the cop who pulled up to talk with us after we called to complain about the neighbor who seems to enjoy setting his dogs on me. The cop took a look at me lurching around and apparently addressed me two or three times before my husband told me that man was talking to me, so I could turn around and focus and hear what he was saying - and the only thing out of his mouth was "are you a tweaker?"
We had no idea at the time that he was accusing me of being a methamphetamine addict because we'd never heard the term; it isn't exactly the sort of thing that gets discussed at the Muslim Ladies Potluck. We just couldn't figure out why he wouldn't deal with the neighbor's snarling Rottweiler in our backyard or get animal control to do it. Instead he nattered away, first suggesting we hire a Vietnamese interpreter to help us "reach a compromise" with the neighbor who sics his dogs on me. He wouldn't listen when I tried to explain why I couldn't just "run away" if the dog made it into our backyard. He just kept telling me to "be quiet and listen." He only quit being abusive when some neighbors came out and started discussing their fun experiences with the ravening pack; he finally told all of us that "you all have to live here, and you don't want to fight with your neighbor." We all sort of stood their thinking he was the village idiot while he droned on about different cultural customs. I started thinking that canine was a traditional recipe for some of Mom's folks and wondering just how culturally tolerant this cop would be if I indulged in barbecued Rottweiler.
I hope sometime when that cop is here in the neighborhood the darn beast nails him. I suspect he won't be running off to hire a Vietnamese interpreter to "reach a culturally sensitive compromise."
yakim -- I SO AGREE W/ U!!
ALSO ..
it seems like std .. from your post .. it seems like you just recently became disabled?
well .. you say why don't people "like us" .. whatever that "like us" is .. look @ each moment as an opportunity to "educate others"
i SUPPOSE .. that after hearing OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again and again and again and again .. every time i turn around for over 40 years. .. hearing people saying ,,, askling .. telling ... DOING the wrong .. and stupid things again and again .. golly gee that MIGHT be A REASON .. as to WHY NOT TO take every opportunity to " EDUCATE " THEM
well .. FIRST OF ALLLLLL... people get paid TOP DOLLARS for educating .. if I got TOP DOLLARS every time i was suppose to "educate" someone .. gosh i'd be so dang rich .. i wouldn't even be on here!!
ALSO ..gosh if i took the time out EACH AND EVERY 5 minutes that someone asks something or says something stupid .. gosh i'd be spending my WHOLE DAY .. so MUCH of my day .. my family wouldn't even exist .. b/c i'd be SO BUSY explaining .. EDUCATING to everyone ..
ALSO .. LOL!! I'm NOT there mother@@ if they didn't learn miss manners from their own mom .. they CERTAINLY aren't going to LEARN it all from me in just like 5 minutes of education!!
ALSO .. just like a vacationer is allowed to keep their brains at home .. does all human common decency ... like asking STUPID questions .. LIKE MY FRICKEN SEX LIFE .. is EXCUSABLE?
its EXCUSABLE AND I'M RESPONSIBLE to TEACH them to NOT ASK STUPID QUESTIONS ABOUT MY SEX LIFE WITH MY HUSBAND !!!
COME ON!!
IF THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT sex .. well ... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL ... WELL I don't get paid enough to teach that!!
I love this question, because trust me in 43 years I have heard alot of stipid things. The stupidest so far still goes to a female dentist I went to with a really bad tooth ache. She looked at my history and saw that I had Spina Bifida and kept asking question after question. Like how did I get around. How did I do my job and so on getting more and more personal. Finally I said what does any of this have to do with the fact that my tooth is killing me. She said "well, nothing, I just thought all you people died." I said yeah well,, I had other plans so now could you please fix my tooth.?" Well no she said, I have to talk to you other doctor first to see if this will effect your shunt. Like I wouldn't be able to answer the only question she didn't ask me. For the most part I think people don't alway know what to say or do around people with disabilities. I don't think that they are intentionally stupid or even cruel sometimes. But on the other hand, I have had some people who said really stupid things on purpose like my friends father who said that the only reason he let his daughter play with me was because he checked with is doctor and was assurred that Spina Bifida was not chatching. Can you say MORON? I think it is very important to educate others about the disabled population whenever possible. I equate educating people with creating more freedon for myself. But there are some people who just can't be educated in that case I feel they are the one with the disability.
I never said it was going to be easy. I never said it was going to be something we would even feel like doing every time the opportunity presented itself. What I wanted to know was why a person would chose not to educate another about their personal boundaries, especially when it came to their sex life. As far as your statement: "it seems like std .. from your post .. it seems like you just recently became disabled." (I hope this was a typo. but for the record, my name isn't spelled "std"--which implies I have some sort of sexually transmitted disease). What does the amount of time I have been disabled have to do with the topic? I think this deals more with a level of maturity and our willingness to improve our lives, doesn't it? I mean, ultimately, if we teach someone where our boundaries are, doesn't that improve our quality of life? Look, it is your choice to educate those around you or not to educate them. It's your life and you can do as you see fit with it. I was simply wondering what gave us the right to gripe and complain about someone asking a "stupid" question when we make the choice not to educate them with an answer so they won't do it to the next person? And we ultimately leave the person who offended us just as "stupid" as they were when they asked us in the first place. So they will then go on and ask another person the same offensive question. At what point, will you choose to break this cycle? Or will you simply allow others to be "stupid" in your life and let them continue to ask you "stupid" questions? I certainly didn't intend to offend anyone, that isn't my goal at all, ever. Of course, I do realize you can not make everyone happy at every point. We are all on the same planet. We are all learning. I have not learned some of the things you have and vice versa. But would not classify myself as "stupid" although others would, I'm sure. What about you? Do you classify yourself as "stupid"? Or do others classify you as "stupid"? I would imagine that you once asked someone something that they thought was "stupid" and some chose to educate you and others went off without saying anything...only to degrade you later because you were "stupid". Personally, I do my best to remember that NO question is "stupid"...but I am human and sometimes my emotions get in the way of me adhering to that though. Money has nothing to do with this unless you plan on utilizing education of this nature as a career. It's about improving the quality of your own life and that of others...those you are viewing as "stupid". The "stupid" door swings both ways, Vietitali. (And, no, I'm not implying that you are "stupid"...this is not meant as offensive). What makes it worse, is that when we are offended by someone's questions, we immediately label/judge them with hateful words instead of fixing the situation/behavior. Ultimately, it is our own "stupidity" that allows this type of behavior to continue. The person who posted the story about the officer, well, that is a situation where I would be setting up a video camera and filming what the neighbor is doing (with the dog) so that I have my proof. (Yes, I'm fully aware that not all people have the resources to do such a thing but it is an option). Or maybe obtain written statements from the other neighbors who have had issues of the same nature and petition that the animal be better contained, removed, file charges against the dogs owner for sicking the dog on them, etc. The officer didn't seem to have a very good handle on the situation at all but I can't be sure because every story has more than one side and we haven't heard the officers side. I do my best to learn from those around me (even the people I only meet for a moment when I go to the store, the post office, etc) because I believe that everyone in life can teach me something. Even if it's to teach me how to be patient when the millionth person asks me, "So, is sex painful?" Bless you,Ms. Jessie
lololol I love you!!! WELL SAID!!!
Gloria
