Planning a wedding can provoke more excitement and anxiety than most any other time in one’s life. Today’s brides and grooms are saturated with an overwhelming assortment of ideas, resources, and traditions to consider.
Imagine, however, if none of these how-to guides were written for your fairy tale wedding. Imagine planning the entire event without even a single example of how people like you have pulled off the Big Day. Because there are no templates for brides and grooms with disabilities, they are the ultimate example of the hottest trend in weddings, do-it-yourself (DIY).
The foundation for a phenomenal wedding, love and commitment, are unaltered for people with disabilities. The details, however, are an uncharted territory. My husband and I, both wheelchair users, recently forged our own path as we planned a large and very unique wedding. Among our travel guides during the experience were Disaboom members, who contributed their own ideas and suggestions for the months leading up to our wedding. Disability communities are the perfect place to learn the untold secrets of planning accessible weddings.
The Dress
Brides in wheelchairs quickly learn that wedding dresses are not designed for the seated position. A dream dress in the window might completely immobilize you in a wheelchair. A-line or sheath styles with a minimal train often work best, but try on several gowns to find out what looks and feels best to you. When browsing magazines, look for the few dresses that are photographed with the model sitting down. Learn the names of the styles so you can narrow your search.
I learned quickly the importance of asking for what worked for me. Even well-intentioned salespeople are often not sure what to suggest for the bride in a wheelchair. I tried on dozens of dresses but found it necessary to limit the number to those that were likely candidates. I am usually independent with dressing, but the weight and bulk of the dresses required me to get help from a friend. It was physically exhausting to try on more than five or six dresses so I divided the shopping between several different trips.
Many brides with a disability will require extensive alterations. Factor this into your budget because they can be expensive! My seamstress came up with a completely untraditional hemline that allowed my dress to be floor length in the front but shorter in the back behind my wheelchair’s footplate. I got the look of a long gown skimming the floor without the chance of the fabric in the back catching in my wheels. This alteration allows clearance for turning, which you’ll need on the dance floor! It’s essential that you can push safely and freely in your dress.
The Venue: Accessibility is Key
Finding an accessible place for the wedding ceremony and reception is often the first challenge faced by newly engaged couples. Everyone with a disability has their own definition of accessible. Prioritize your needs, wants, and wishes and ask questions that target those priorities. Check on the availability of accessible restrooms and consider removing some seats if you’re expecting guests in wheelchairs.
We were fortunate to attend a modern church, which included a ramp up to the altar. Several reception and rehearsal dinner sites were eliminated though because they lacked basic accessibility. Part of the excitement in orchestrating the details of our wedding was the chance to plan a truly accessible event. We considered the height of the buffet line, propped open heavy doors, and pulled out a few chairs around the hall instead of establishing a single wheelchair section.
The First Dance
The bride and groom’s first dance as a married couple is the traditional kickoff to most wedding receptions. If only one of the newlyweds uses a wheelchair, the able-bodied partner can kneel, stand, or use another chair to sway closely and enjoy a favorite song. If the bride and groom are wheelchair users, experiment with different ways to twirl or spin each other. Depending on your partner’s balance, it may be possible for the bride to ride in the groom’s lap. This provides a more intimate and personal experience.
We were most anxious about this aspect of our wedding reception. We considered eliminating it entirely. Eventually though, we refused to sacrifice what would become a beautiful memory because we felt self-conscious. We experimented with different ways that we could dance together in our wheelchairs. We felt too far away from each other though. With a little practice, I felt comfortable getting on my groom’s lap to allow him to lead the dance. We knew we would still be very nervous so we chose a slow and rather short song that didn’t demand precise rhythm or an eternity of dancing!
The Bouquet/Garter Toss
Limited range of motion or coordination can make tossing a bouquet or garter feel like a chore destined for disaster. Invite a member of the wedding party to guide your arm or consider a fresh alternative. The bouquet dance is coordinated by the DJ and awards the bouquet to the married couple in attendance who has been married the longest. We were able to manage the traditional bouquet and garter toss, but I love the idea of doing something completely different for this or any part of the celebration.
DIY for the Bride and Groom with a Disability
Couples without disabilities certainly have a range of wedding planning guides at their fingertips. Every do, every don’t, and every wedding etiquette quandary is spelled out with perfection. Couples with disabilities, however, have an entirely different edge on planning what could be the best day of their lives.
When you’re an untraditional couple, the restricting confines of traditions are freed. Adapt the traditions that represent the love you aim to celebrate and eliminate those that make you excessively nervous or unsure. Be creative, listen to your partner, and enjoy the process. Whether or not you mimic well-established traditions or write your own rules, your wedding is guaranteed to be especially unforgettable.
See More on Kara’s Wedding Adaptations:
Wedding details: When Worlds and Wheels Collide
Wedding Bells Are Ringing and…
