About Me

Hey All, My name is Janeen I live on the South Shore of Massachusetts. Not near the water though, wish i was...Fibro my biggest pain in the body.... I hurt myself first at work, and that was it for me..my spine, right arm and neck and back got sore right away. I had been very healthy before that doing my treadmil before and after work, loved it. This happened a little over 5 years ago now. Now, it hurts all the time everywhere. Pain up and down, weather, what i do that i should not, depression, test after test, med after med, i myself have a very hard time with meds. I don't tolerate most well at all. I also have central pain syndrome, post surgery on my right rotator cuff, and a second injury, right knee and lower back, so i need a knee replacement due to the ignorance of a landlady who knew i was hurting so bad, and i told her that the only stipulation in living there was, i could not shovel snow...oh, i have a hugh buldging disc C-5,6,7. And now my lower back feels like someone took a hammer to it...I have tendenitis in my right forearm, and carpal tunnel. So, I am pretty broken up. Arthritis is pretty bad too. I have tried so many drugs, i can't stand it, now on pain killers again, and an anti-anxiety med thank god for that. I am ready to tell this doc to put me into a detox to get rid of all the pain killers and keep me on the anxiety med, as i need it or my rage gets very out of control. I cut down myself as the doc asked me to, and did a good job of it, down 4 mg a day, then my rage got out of control again. So back to original dose. Forgive me if this is not ok with most, but, i pray alot, sing alot, not good though, but, makes me happy. I love nature and poetry. Nature just outside my door....poetry came from my depression really. It was a way to get it out...literature was the only thing in school that i loved. So i found out that my poetry was not bad at all...it came so natural...some very dark, some very bright and full of love. Most dark though....it brings me so much joy to write, i love to write. Although, my conditions hold me back, i can only type and write for short periods of time. I have found so much joy in the poetry but, i have to say, with the meds, it can sometimes be hard to put the words together as i would like too. The meds don't take care of my pain most of the time, but, make me forgetful...i hate that. I don't really have any real miracles for you, but, when i get off these meds, i am going the natural way again, magnesium, vitamins, there was a powder i was taking called msm i think, i don't know if the abbreviation is right or not. I have had a rough time of it...my shoulder surgery was not a success and i do hope that when they fix my knee it is right, they have been making me wait till i get older, but, my new doc says i can have it now anyway.thanks to him...i am 53 as of March and I used to be one to go all the time. Now, it is hard to pace myself, i love a clean home, spotless home...but, i guess that does not fit into my lifesyle anymore. I love to sew too, my own curtains, but that has become very difficult....i know with the second accident shoveling the snow...dah...no choice i had to go out and before then i was able to plant some flowers, little by little. I would spend 1/2 hour in small incirments, but, after the shoveling and falling I am done now...don't want to sound so down, as i have finally accepted after 5 years not to fight it and go with the flow. Right now, stress i my hugh killer for pain. I live in a very stressful place right now. More stress than ever since i hurt myself originally and I am so upset over this. My room-mate moved in to help me, and only makes my life harder than ever. I cannot move again, lord, knows!!! The last move to where i am now was soooo hard on my body, another reason i hurt so much today. I had a mover, but, packing, i cried most of the way thru it all...then unpacking, 6 months and i have closets big enough for my computer room and still some boxes left in here unpacked. I now have a handicapped apartment which works out great...but, miss the water and fireplace for sure..that was where i was before here. So, anyway, from my heart to yours, I wish the best for you all. For me, my poetry has saved my life...literally. I write songs too, pretty good ones...just never tried to do anything with them. Maybe you can all find a place, inside to keep you from going nuts, an art you never thought would be for you...something to take your mind off the pain. I want to say thank you for this site and all the good info i found here. It is a blessing in a way, it is odd, actually. I have found these illnesses have made me a stronger person. Brought me back to my maker again, and has spriritually taken me to places i never thought i could go...I am not a spiritual nut by any means, just surprised i guess at what could be around the corner with or without pain. As long as my room mate moves out when the lease is up my journey with all this will only get easier... Remember to take care of yourself and say no when you can't do things for others when they want you too...that i have not gotten good at yet. I will hurt myself to the point of no return for my family, as they do not yet, even after 5 years, accept this for me...i was too strong when it comes to mom's they just don't want to accept my illnesses, easier to deny it..hurts me alot..emotionally too...bye for now...blessing to all of you...big ones...!