You may have MS, but it doesn’t have to own you – or your sex life. Being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) can feel like the beginning of the end when it comes to one’s sexual functioning. With this incurable disease of the central nervous system setting up shop in the heart of your sexual response, the prognosis doesn’t look good initially. Yet you can come out on top by embracing your new “normal,” sexually speaking.
There’s a great deal of sexuality still to be shared, despite the presence of MS. This begins with knowing how MS can potentially impact your sex life, then proactively seeking ways to counter or minimize the changes.
MS hits a person’s sexual functioning on two fronts: neurologically and psychologically. Neurologically, the sexual excitement and response bore in the central nervous system are affected. While normally your brain would easily send messages to the sex organs via the spinal cord, thanks to MS, the damage to its nerve pathways, caused by demyelination, can impair sexual functioning. Effects include:
• Lower libido or loss of sexual interest
• Slower arousal time
• Difficulties with erectile functioning and ejaculation
• Decreased vaginal lubrication and muscle tone
• Troubles reaching climax
• Changes in genital sensations, e.g., numbness or exaggerated sensitivity
• Difficulties masturbating
Problems like bladder and bowel control problems, fatigue, pain, weakness, heat intolerance, and muscle spasms further lend themselves to decreased sexual desire and loss of interest. Physical contact and sexual positioning may also become uncomfortable with sensory changes. All of these changes, or simply having MS, spawn psychological or social issues that further impact sexual intimacy, including:
• Depression, stress and/or anxiety
• Altered body image or sexual self-image
• Performance anxiety
• Relationship worries and general fear of the future
• Low self-esteem
• Concerns over fertility, pregnancy, and genetic factors
So how do couples reclaim their sex lives?
a. Communicate. Talk about your sexual concerns and how you’re being affected sexually and in general by MS. Being open and honest about the situation is the first step to resolving matters.
b. Talk to you doctor about the side effects of your medications, as well as medications, like muscle relaxants and pain medications, that can allow for sex more readily.
c. Empty your bladder and bowels prior to sex.
d. Expand your sexual repertoire and definition of sex. Have towels handy should there be an accident.
e. Pursue the “spooning” side position for penetrative sex since it is typically the best option. Alternatively, when the opportunity presents itself, consider sex in water, like a pool, for more freedom in movement.
f. Use vaginal lubricants to alleviate dryness during lovemaking.
g. In situations where arousal is slow or there’s a decrease in sensations, use a vibrator.
h. Try to have sex at different times of day if fatigue is a factor.
i. Practice pelvic floor muscle exercises, known as Kegel exercises, on a regular basis to strengthen your sexual core.
j. Seek sex counseling or therapy for more information and guidance.
k. Turn to MS organizations for more support, especially via messages boards and discussion forums where individuals affected with MS, and their partners, can exchange ideas on realizing better, easier sex.
l. Don’t underestimate the power of your mind. Continue to be active with what mentally stimulates you in boosting your arousal. Think sexy! Continue to woo each other romantically or erotically in setting the stage for sex and appealing too all of your senses.
m. Let your lover know regularly that you still find him or her sexy. Flirt! Reinforcing that your partner is a sexual being will help your lover to believe just that.
More than anything, don’t underestimate the power of turning to your partner for support and reassurance. It may be your ultimate source of tension relief and have you feeling closer than you ever have before.
