Gary Karp, paraplegic, disability expert, public speaker, trainer, and the author of From Here To There: Stories of Adjustment to Spinal Cord Injury, Choosing A Wheelchair: A Guide for Optimal Independence, and Life On Wheels: For the Active Wheelchair User, has come out with a new book, Disability & The Art of Kissing: Questions and Answers on the True Nature of Intimacy. This is Karp’s literary foray into doling out sexual advice for the disabled.
Helping New SCI Patients
Disability & The Art of Kissing is geared towards people with new spinal cord injuries, by helping them understand that even though in their “new life” sex will be different, it doesn’t signal the end of their sex life (if they still choose to have one, that is, which is a topic covered in the book). Disability & The Art of Kissing would also be useful for anyone with an SCI who got a mediocre sexual education in rehabilitation and never got the facts.
The book is cleanly laid out in a Q & A format, with each question being the title of a chapter. There are 26 questions answered in this 111 page book. The book covers all you need to know in regard to how your body’s sexual mechanics have changed and how you may now view yourself as a sexual being post-injury.
And it does so with a positive spin, with each answer showing (sometimes subtly, sometimes more in-your-face) that whatever the case, you’re definitely not going to be doomed, no matter what you may be feeling at the moment. The book is an unintentional celebration of human sexuality, as it shows how adept we can be when our bodies are severely damaged.
Simple to Salacious
With chapters ranging from the simple and romantic: “The Art of Kissing” (my favorite chapter; more on why later) to forcefully facing the facts: “My Body Looks So Different Now” to the salacious and controversial: “I’ve Met a Devotee,” I can’t think of a topic regarding sexuality and SCI that this book doesn’t cover. The content is also written in an engaging, conversational tone that makes the book a quick read. With that said, it wasn’t surprising to read in the preface that most of the questions answered in the book came from previous articles Karp published on the now-defunct iCan.com.
Disability & The Art of Kissing is beautifully simple. Other than having no photographs or fancy charts (they’re simply not needed, as the content speaks for itself), it’s written as if Karp himself is having a personal pow-wow with you in your hospital room. I really enjoyed this aspect of the book, and it especially shines though in the chapter, “My Partner Feels Guilty for Feeling More.”
Getting Info Your Rehabilitation Counselor Never Told You
As a quadriplegic for more than14 years, I can assuredly say that this is something many an able-bodied partner feels while having sexual relations with someone with an SCI.
I’ve been through the gamut in the rehab facility and rehab experience world, and never before has a rehab counselor, doctor, or even a therapist discussed this topic with me. This is a perfect example. The way Karp just puts it out there, bluntly yet gently, truly makes you feel like he’s there with you, in person. Sometimes we can be too shy to ask what’s really on our minds, and Karp is experienced enough to know that.
Back to my favorite chapter: “The Art of Kissing.” The book is great at stressing how “porn star” sex or even the “wham-bam-thank you-ma’am” kind of sex is overrated. Karp says the world puts too much emphasis on boring “animalistic” sex, which causes unneeded havoc on our already fragile egos.
He goes on to explain that sexual bliss and satisfaction can even be found in the most simple of acts, like kissing. Karp openly discusses how in his life as a paraplegic he’s received immense amounts of pleasure from honing in on his kissing skills. The chapter contains a lot of practical tips that put genuine hope into my heart, and I’m one of the most positive quads you’ll ever meet.
Disability & The Art of Kissing more than meets its goal of educating SCI individuals on everything they need to know about sex post-injury, but were too afraid—or embarrassed—to ask. It will enable readers to feel a sense of optimism they never thought they’d feel again.
