Orgasmic and disability: how many times have you heard those two words in the same sentence? Chances are: never. Yet research is challenging us, astounding those both with and without a disability and not just in linking the two experiences. Studies spanning the decades have continually found that people suffering from chronic health conditions do in fact experience sexual peaks similar to those they experienced pre-injury or illness.
So what are people with chronic conditions reporting? And how can you embark upon the journey of exploring your own orgasmic potential?
Pleasure-Pain Continuum
Men and women with spinal cord injury (SCI) have said that the skin near their injury is hypersensitive to touch. Often painful and intensely aversive when touched, these sensations can become pleasant when stimulated the right way with the right lover.
This is because pain-pleasure receptors are located next to one another throughout the body, often firing at the same time. Whether accidentally or through a conscious effort, some people are able to trump the pain with pleasure. In some cases these sensations become orgasmic sensations that feel as if they’re coming from the genitals.
Hypersensitive Areas
Your body is covered with erogenous zones, and every person is unique in what gets him or her sexually aroused. Those with nerve injuries can have sensations, including orgasm, in other areas of the body. Women with spinal cord injury have reported orgasm from stimulation of their breasts, nipples, neck, mouth/lips, and ears.
One classic example oft-cited in the literature is a woman with complete spinal cord injury at the upper thoracic level who claimed orgasm from stimulation of the skin on her neck, where she was hypersensitive. In confirming this in the lab, researchers found that when a vibrator was placed on her neck-shoulder junction, her heart rate and blood pressure increased markedly. She further reported experiencing orgasm accompanied by a tingling sensation in her vagina.
Erection and SCI
The effects on erection in a male with spinal cord injury are dependent upon the location and completeness of injury. In higher-level spinal cord injuries, men tend to get reflex erections. Having little to do with arousal, these erections are elicited reflexively via the parasympathetic nerves by direct stimulation of the penis. This is because the nerves that carry impulses between the spinal cord and genitals aren’t themselves damaged by injury.
The man will not, however, be able to feel the stimulation since the impulses produced by direct penile stimulation cannot reach the brain. This is not to say, however, that he cannot enjoy his erectile response.
“Phantom” Orgasms
Phantom, or “paraorgasm,” orgasms have also been reported in those with spinal cord injury. Criticized for being misnamed – since these are indeed real orgasmic experiences – such a reaction happens through the reassignment of sexual response to areas of the body that are unaffected by the injury. In other cases, it can occur by, automatically or purposefully, mentally intensifying a sensation of the body that is neurologically intact and reassigning the sensation to the genitals. Despite a lack of genital sensation, men have reported experiencing the climax as one of the genitals.
So given the promise of these research findings, what can you do in realizing your own orgasmic potential?
Think outside the box. The biggest mistake a person with a disability and their lovers can make is to think that there’s only one “right” way to have sex and enjoy it. There are a plethora of sexual behaviors for lovers to explore, including different positions, yoga and Tantric sex, bondage play, sexual enhancement products, etc. Use this as a time to reinvent your sex life, to expand your sexual repertoire, and to discover the different ways that you can mentally and physically stimulate yourself and your partner.
Own your sex life via oral sex. Cunnilingus (oral sex on a woman) and fellatio (oral sex on a man) are ideal for those with disabilities and for a number of reasons. These incredibly exciting sex acts can help lovers to get around issues with low energy, spasticity, lubrication, difficult penetration, and positioning needs. Giving and receiving oral sex is a positive step toward reclaiming your sex life, ability to pleasure another, and ability to accept loving attention from your lover.
Think your way to the “Big O.” While orgasm characteristically results from genital stimulation, other types of sensory, non-genital stimuli can generate climax as well. These include documented cases of women who can think their way to orgasm (women have a much easier time doing this than men). Their bodily reactions are like those of an orgasm, with their heart rate doubling.
When it comes to “thinking off,” it’s important to remember that – male or female - your brain is your biggest sex organ. Given the right erotic stimuli, anyone has the potential to work themselves into a climactic high. Case in point: one woman experienced multiple orgasms despite the removal of her clitoris and vagina from cancer.
Get turned on by your erection. Many men with a disability have learned to tune into cues that they’re aroused, e.g., goosebumps or hard nipples. On the occasion that you experience a reflex orgasm, capitalize on this experience, inviting those other responses. Enjoy seeing yourself standing at attention, allowing yourself to feel sexy while your imagination runs wild. Share your experience with your partner, and get creative in the ways you can seize the moment. If intercourse is desired, lovers should work to keep the penile stimulation going long enough for penetration and movement.
Explore, explore, explore. Having a disability should not be seen as disabling to your sex life since there are plenty of things you can do. In finding out what works for you both mechanically and sensually, couples can have loads of fun experimenting with different sex toys, reading books and watching videos on sex, using various pieces of furniture or bedroom adventure gear for added support, having sex in different rooms of the house, engaging in fantasy role playing, having sex online, etc.
Women with spinal cord injury who do experience orgasm tend to have a higher sex drive and greater sex knowledge than those who don’t. This is important to keep in mind as you challenge yourself to be more informed, pushing your own sexual boundaries in making better use of your senses and discovering previously ignored hot spots.
You are a sexual person, full of orgasmic pleasure. In maintaining your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being for life, it is important to consider the plethora of ways you can be sexual – and all of the different ways you may still prove to be orgasmic.
See Related Articles
Expressing your concerns about your disability in a relationship can be tricky. See Have a New Partner? The Best Ways to Disclose Embarrassing Things for tips on how share your feelings.
See Maintaining A Healthy Relationship for more information about keeping yourself and your partner happy.
Need more advice about having sex with a disability? See My Partner is Scared to Try for more information on how to handle this situation.
