Though decreased sexual interest is not a common characteristic of fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS), this experience often becomes a common one for those suffering from this rheumatic condition. This impairing disorder, affecting six million Americans, often leads to a lack of libido in both men and women, amongst other consequences.
A 2003 Brazilian study, involving women in their 40s and 50s, half of whom had fibromyalgia and half of whom did not, found that the healthy group was likelier to have had a regular sexual relationship in the last six months than those with fibromyalgia. The fibromyalgia group members were less satisfied with their sex life, had more pain during intercourse, experienced more fatigue during sexual intimacy, and were less likely to initiate sexual intimacy than healthy women.
Fibromyalgia Symptoms and Your Sex Life
If you’re living with fibromyalgia, you already know that this health ailment is more foe than friend when it comes to your sex life. Debilitating physical factors include fatigue, chronic muscle pain, and stiffness. Emotional factors encompass depression, anxiety, stress, frustration, anger, fear of rejection, and negative self-image. Despite the exhausting effects of fibromyalgia, all of these symptoms can result in poor sleep patterns.
While many are too tired for sex, it is the muscle pain that leads to pressure and a squeezing of the pelvic area and lower back that ultimately result in muscle cramping during sexual intercourse. This naturally causes a great deal of discomfort for an individual with fibromyalgia, making it difficult to engage in certain sexual behaviors.
Sex eventually becomes something that is no longer pleasurable, but a negative experience. One’s natural tendency is to avoid such physically intimate situations, especially given that one is too tired for sex.
Pain, Depression, and Fibromyalgia Medication
Making matters even worse is the onset of depression. A 2008 study out of Spain found that sexual function was frequently and severely affected in female fibromyalgia patients, with this impairment apparently associated to one’s degree of depression.
Even further taking a toll on one’s sex life are fibromyalgia medications that decrease libido and a man’s ability to attain or maintain erection. Antidepressants can also take a toll on one’s sexual functioning. A person living with fibromyalgia may react negatively to bodily changes, like weight changes and the loss of muscle mass.
As lovers feel less connected in the boudoir, their sexual relationship takes a hit. That is, unless they take steps to stay mentally and spiritually connected while attempting to be physically intimate. It’s important to realize that the release of hormones and endorphins, natural opioids, during sex can help to relieve fibromyalgia symptoms, like pain and depression, boosting well being.
Maintaining your sex life is vital to your health and well-being. In order to have a healthy sex life, do the following:
1. Practice acceptance. Adapt. Make peace with the fact that you need to deal with this condition, then allow yourself to reclaim your life in every way.
2. Maintain a grooming regiment that helps you to feel good about yourself.
3. Stay physically active, preferably with your partner, as much as possible, as another way to feel better about yourself, possibly boosting your sex drive.
4. Manage stress with relaxation techniques like meditation.
5. Talk to your doctor about how your condition is affecting your sex life, including any medications that may be at play.
6. Become educated about your condition and how fibromyalgia impacts your sexuality and sexual expression. This is a must in talking to your partner about everything that’s taking place. Being informed can also help to alleviate your lover’s concerns, helping both of you to stay emotionally connected.
7. Allow your partner to be more active during sex if possible.
8. Plan for morning sex, when one with fibromyalgia is going to have more energy, or after soaking in a warm bath or using a moist heat application, both of which ease fibromyalgia pain, inflammation, muscle spasms, and stiffness.
9. Experiment with different low-impact sexual positions for greater comfort, e.g., side-by-side sex to lessen lower back pain, and new ways to eroticize the experience, e.g., sensual massage.
10. Enjoy each other despite flare ups. Part of this is not being so goal-oriented during a love making session. Allow things to happen as they can.
11. Stay physically connected by just cuddling (unless such is not made possible by allondynia, where the brain misinterprets neutral or pleasant stimuli for pain).
Remember to be patient with yourself, taking things slowly and keeping an open-mind when it comes to experimentation. People can have sex in a myriad of ways, so have fun exploring what works best for you. Just make sure that you plan the time for it.
Finally, don’t overlook the importance of community. Online Fibromyalgia forums provide emotional support, allowing you to connect with others who are dealing with the same sex woes you are. These communities should provide a safe space for you to vent out your frustrations, to discuss your concerns, and to learn from others.
Visit our relationships section for more information on dating with a disability.
