Whoever said all a groom has to do at his  wedding is “show up on time and sober with a clean shave” was mistaken. There are many important jobs a good groom should perform during wedding planning to ensure his bride enjoys the day to the full extent. One of my many jobs was to select the best man.

And finding someone who understood the additional needs of a groom in a wheelchair wedding was of paramount importance. 

Who Will Be Best Man?
As I began brainstorming several months before our recent wedding, my then-fiancée, Sarah, reminded me that whoever I chose would have a long list of important responsibilities. In no particular order, he would be responsible for safeguarding our wedding rings, making a proper toast at the reception, paying the vendors at the end of the night and ensuring the ushers (including two very energetic and mischievous “junior” ushers plus two young ring bearers) knew what to do, how to behave and where to stand from the second they arrived at the chapel to the minute the last guest exited.

She also quietly reminded me the best man was uniquely tasked with ensuring that I (and my wheelchair) arrived on time, well rested and looking my best. Yes, she wanted me sober with a clean shave but did not want to say it in so many words. With all the uncertainties and variables of a wheelchair wedding to consider, I surely did not want to overlook the obvious. I took her words to heart.

Wheelchair Wedding Best Man Chosen
The top target on my short list of candidates has been my friend for over twenty years. He has a few positive and respectable traits I shared with Sarah to win her approval. Paul and I met as college freshmen, took many of the same courses, graduated with the same majors, served together in the Navy and both chose to attend graduate school. He knew me before my spinal cord injury, helped me through my months of rehabilitation and played a major role in reintroducing me to life beyond the hospital walls after my discharge. My top candidate is a lawyer so I figured he would be skilled at keeping track of our wedding money and, once the reception began, recognizing when a guest’s behavior approached illegal.

There were two memories I purposely did not mention for fear it might jeopardize my candidate’s good standing. When I was learning to transfer in and out of a car shortly after my injury, this particular friend was known to forget to load one (or both) wheelchair wheels, my seat cushion, and, yes, on more than one occasion, my entire wheelchair into the trunk of his car. And there had been several late nights that became early mornings in which neither of us awoke “sober with a clean shave.” These memories, I knew, were best left unspoken.

Imagine what might have happened if I arrived at our wedding without my wheelchair.

Perfect Wheelchair Wedding Best Man
All joking aside, picking the best man was an easy task. There was no one better suited to stand with us on our wedding day than someone who knew me as more than a groom in a wheelchair. In the early years after my spinal cord injury, Paul helped with both the tangibles and intangibles as I struggled with the transition to my new life. He helped me make light of difficult situations and overcome roadblocks. He learned to recognize my unique needs and never once let me feel sorry for myself. He helped me gain confidence and rebuild my self-esteem.

The tasks our best man performed on our wedding day were invaluable. In addition to the required tasks of a best man, Paul helped me transfer in and out of the limousine, carry my jacket and baggage, look my best in a rented tuxedo and feel comfortable in front of a chapel full of family and friends. He gave me a little push when it was needed and made sure I never let the wheelchair get in the way of having fun, enjoying my bride and celebrating with family and friends.